January 23, 2021

No More F*cking Around: 10 Ways to get Real & Finally Heal.

Are you tired of trying to figure things out?

Maybe a bit depleted from always rolling with the changes and switching gears, while constantly working on “getting to the bottom” of your issues?

Do you struggle to find clarity so that you can be happy? Do you want to finally step away from your bad habits and troubled, taxing relationships? Are you damn exhausted from being uninspired most of the time? From trudging through the “one step up, two steps back” process of life that seems to plague us no matter how hard we try to get our sh*t together?

Me f*cking too, dude.

Enlightened self-care” by way of forced new priorities is no joke. Real change slaps both cheeks and kicks us in the gut before we start to feel better.

After the craziness of 2020, along with all the things it taught us (yes, we grew, changed, and learned a bit, didn’t we?), I’m looking for a clear path forward. This is no different from every year, of course, but there is definitely a big black slash that now divides my timeline in half: before Covid hit the world, and it’s (to be continued) aftermath. I have never wanted to “shed” a year more than I want to shed 2020, for all the obvious reasons, but more than that, I simply want to bravely move forward with a happier and more purpose-filled heart. A positive vibe is difficult to hold onto these days, but 2021 has to be different. Perhaps it takes a messy, uncertain year of chaos and fear to get to that accessible space where fortitude, peace, and well-being can prosper?

To stop f*cking around, get real, and finally heal, we must keep the following in mind:

1. No more losers. No hustlers, liars, ghosters, bread-crumbers, gaslighters, haunters, paper clippers, or benchers. No narcissists. We know who you are. You’ve been properly analyzed and identified, and now it’s time to put you out with the other garbage relationships that don’t serve us.

2. Enough with the constant people-pleasing and self-sacrificial giving. It’s lovely to be kind and generous, but at the expense of our own happiness, it keeps us from healing our own wounds and getting our own sh*t together.

3. It’s time to find our village so we can find our voice. We know who our “ride or die” friends and family are—so let’s stick with the ones who support us through our trials and triumphs. Our village will give us the straight-up truth. We can find a blossoming strength and accomplish a whole list of goals when the people who lift us remain and the ones who drain our energies disappear.

4. When we walk the talk, everything changes. Do we want to get in shape—body, mind, and spirit? It’s time to just do it. Do we need to eat consciously and move our bodies more? Yes! No more bullsh*t. It won’t happen overnight. It happens slowly, moment by moment. The days and weeks and most importantly the “results” add up when we stop f*cking around, we “get real” with ourselves, and just do it. Saying “no” is the most difficult part of the process, but it’s necessary. It’s such a short little word that comes out smooth when we practice it over and over. Say it with me now. “Nooooooo.” Don’t you feel better already?

5. Try a social media dopamine fast. Cold turkey. Take a few weeks off from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok! No more scrolling and reacting. No more validation seeking or “like fishing” for those blessed ego-boosts. No more meaningless time-wasting fillers. Let’s pick up a good book and simply read it, start to finish. Let’s digest it. Let’s take more walks. Let’s talk. Let’s learn something. Let’s connect with people. Let’s give our tired eyes some rest for a bit. Let’s empty out that swirling mass of information shrapnel that batters our minds.

6. How about a spending freeze? A few months of limited spending does a person good. It helps remove unnecessary stress by adding a cushion of “possibility” via self-support. By summer, we will hopefully feel less buried by bills and a bit freer.

7. Release our tendency to want to control everything. One thing 2020 taught us is that we have zero control over everything and anything most days. The things we can control, like our reactions, our choices, and our circle of friends is where our focus should be. We can only change ourselves by way of changed thinking and letting go of what we can’t change.

8. Stop f*cking around and make those important appointments! Teeth, eyes, bodies. Mammograms, colonoscopies, physicals, and psycho-therapy. Let’s get them all on the calendar now for the whole year. We can’t ignore our tune-ups. Self-care means seeing a professional from time to time.

9. Face a few hard truths. One of mine is the supreme ability to procrastinate my way through life. “Next year…after I lose 20 pounds…after the holidays…next week…when things settle down…when I have the time.” Sound familiar? I do a lot of preaching about being present, but most of the time I get caught up in the prospect of what my future will look like, once everything is “perfect,” instead of doing what needs to be done in the moment to create the more continuous sense of well-being I crave. We begin to heal the moment we “get real” and become completely honest with ourselves. 

10. Grieve and let it the f*ck go. Are we another year older? Yes, we are. Do we all feel like we “lost” a year of our lives? I know I sure do. We need to kiss that feeling goodbye, for real, and move on. 2021 is looking brighter and more hopeful by the day.

We can stop f*cking around, finally, get real, and heal by committing to the process. It’s important to remember that the process is shared. Collectively, we can do it, one forthright step at a time.


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