“I love you,” he spoke softly, as my legs were wrapped around his waist.
I was moving slowly, intently up and down, riding him in a sensual rhythm.
We stared at each other, and for a moment, that felt suspended—as if time had left the room while we were wholly and fully connected to the present. I could swear that I saw the love he spoke of dancing in his eyes.
I whispered back, “I love you too.”
I came sweetly, intensely, and my body trembled deliciously as his hands pressed against my back, pulling me closer as if we were experiencing that orgasm as one person.
There was a feeling of being safe, seen, adored, and loved.
He came much later, after we spent hours intertwining our limbs, exploring each other with open hearts. We used our bodies as instruments in the ultimate expression of all that we felt for each other.
I have yet to experience an orgasm that brought me more joy than that one—on a night that I hold most dear. It forever altered my view of sex and its divinity, and it was the closest I had ever been to what is called “sacred sexuality.”
This man and I had transcended our bodies and had joined exquisitely in spirit.
We were a perfect match of the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, and the sacred exchange of energy working in unison.
Sacred sexuality is an art form—much the same as a painter dedicated to channeling creativity with each stroke of their brush and honouring their connection with the divine.
Once you join in harmony with a partner or a lover in this kind of way, everything else pales in comparison.
Sex and spirituality are inextricably linked.
Sacred sexuality is also completely counter to what our culture presents as the experience of sex.
In our modern world—an era of takeaway dating, lust-induced comas, and short attention spans—sex is primarily externally focused, ego-drenched, and paradoxically, a way to avoid true intimacy with another.
It’s the objectification of form, mired in fantasy. It’s almost as if we are taking for granted the warm human flesh that coats a divine soul that we are connecting with.
How to Have Sacred Sex
1. Connect to your spirituality.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience, created from a divine blueprint.
Sex, although more often than not associated with the forbidden and wrong, is a big part of this spirituality.
If there are feelings of guilt, embarrassment, insecurity, or something darker and unresolved manifesting itself sexually, you’re blocking the channel. You’re blocking the connection, and you’re depriving yourself of all that it can and should be.
Exploring your sexual spirituality can be experienced in the arms of a lover, a partner, or it can be explored solo. Let your heart guide you in each present moment and watch as you instinctually gravitate to what feels right and pleasurable.
Sacred sex is about freedom, not restriction.
2. See your partner as divine.
If you see yourself as a divine expression of the universe, then so is your partner.
Relationships are work. We all know that they are a constant commitment, and through some of that tedious maintenance, we tend to lose sight of the divinity of our partners and even ourselves.
By holding the highest vision for your partner, you are loving them into their best expression of their divine design.
Expand your understanding, surrender judgements, and when you are showing your partner the love you feel for them, sacred sex is used as a tool to heal imbalances you may be experiencing.
3. Create an environment in which sacred sex can blossom.
Your environment should engage the senses.
A soft, beautiful blanket, rose petals strewn all around, and candles that flicker with the promise of pleasure all create an ambience that will get you into that sacred space of exploration—a space that should feel warm, comfortable, and inviting.
Never underestimate the power of setting and the powerful emotions it can evoke. Music is also a special kind of magic—something that provides a backdrop of serenity.
Make use of these tools to create a space where the expression of love can blossom.
4. Prepare your body.
Many of us are still combatting the demons of body insecurities.
It’s natural, it’s normal, and we will forever strive to love the parts of ourselves as age ravages us and as we move into the different phases of getting older.
The saying “cleanliness is next to godliness” springs to mind with this one—an ancient idea found in Babylonian and Hebrew religious tracts—and I believe that cleanliness is an essential component when meeting with the divine.
When you are engaging in sacred sexuality, do the preparation, adorn your body with oils, wear something that makes you feel sexy, or even wear a piece of jewellery that makes you feel more spiritually centered.
5. Follow your sexual intuition.
We’re always told to follow our intuition, and it is sound, sage advice.
It applies just as much to when we open ourselves up to exploring sexual intimacy. Follow that internal voice that guides us lovingly, and most importantly, with an innate, almost universal wisdom.
Our sexual intuition will keep us where it is most important when practicing sacred sexuality, in the now—where each moment is afforded the opportunity to be what it is and to be reveled in.
6. The practice of aftercare.
There is a palpable and intoxicating feeling when sacred sexuality has been a true immersion and expression of love. In that afterglow, share your thoughts and feelings, which is a practice known as aftercare.
I suppose we could say it’s the more spiritual version of “pillow talk.”
Connect in conversation and expand on the intimacy of your experience.
Sex is an immense, universal force. To fully experience sex in this divine and sacred way, we have to engage every part of who we are in this divine forum.