January 24, 2021

When it’s Time to Let Go of a Friendship.

Heartbreak. Heartache. We long for love and cry when it leaves us.

We share our lives with loved ones and feel like we can’t go on when they pass.

Most of us correlate heartbreak and heartache with breakups, disasters, trauma, or death. More often than not, we focus on romantic love.

The deep ache in our hearts when we can no longer be with a significant other. It’s painful and we agonize over every last word that was said. We ask ourselves where we went wrong and what we did wrong. We truly believe that we’ll never love again.

It is then when we lean on our support system—our family and friends.

But what happens when we sense that a friendship is fading? What about the heartbreak and heartache that comes along with the loss of a friend?

Friendship is a sacred gift, one to be cherished and valued. Some label everyone as a friend and others, like me, put much thought and decision into friendship.

An acquaintance with whom you make small talk isn’t a friend. A drinking buddy isn’t necessarily a friend. And sometimes a friend, isn’t even a friend.

Friendship is something deeper. It requires communication, compassion, and kindness. It asks you to show up, not only when you want to, but when you are needed. It beckons you to listen, actively listen, and not try to fix things. It is filled with humor, trust, and support. It mandates authenticity, a genuine give-and-take of one’s true self.

Friends are there to celebrate our successes. Friends are there to lift us up when we’re down. And friends call us out on our sh*t.

Some friendships stand the test of time, while others—time tests. You may grow together or grow apart. You may drift away, then find your way back, or drift away then move in different directions. You may find that those you thought were friends were merely passing through—that acquaintance, drinking buddy, or those who wrapped up their opportunistic tendencies in the guise of friendship.

Whether suddenly or over time, a friendship can disintegrate. Heartbreak. Heartache. Losing that connection hurts. We may try and cling to the person, forcing upon them our calls, texts, and invitations to get together. Or we may build our walls and push them away before they can hurt us, which, ironically, they already have.

Rather than hold on tightly, learn to let go. Any relationship takes two and maybe life has different plans for you both. If you’ve invested in your friendship and the other person continuously lets you down, it may be time to accept that fact and move on. You will grieve and heal, as we do in time. And may just realize that the bond you thought you had wasn’t a bond at all. It may have been for you, but not for them.

Because real friendship never dies, even when life gets in the way. Years can pass, yet when you reunite, it’s as if no time has passed at all.

Don’t dwell. A true friend will be back, and if not, focus on being a best friend to yourself.


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