During the process of self-discovery, I sadly realized I had not been living my life authentically.
In being so concerned with how others saw me, I wasn’t able to be my true self. The act of spending time alone led me to the path of finding myself; it feels incredible.
After my divorce, the most important thing I did was remove myself from all social media. This is the first request I ask of my coaching clients when they are going through a difficult phase of their life. This simple act helps us regain our sense of worth and empowers self-validation. It stops us from comparing our lives to others’.
We can learn who we are and get to know ourselves without all of the noise—I call it chatter—and the constant chaos of social media. We can stop posting on social media in hopes of gaining validation in the form of likes.
Validation will then be able to come from within.
It is critical that we learn to validate ourselves and not seek our self-worth from others.
It took a good year of painful solitude to figure out who I was—the good and the not so good. It was easiest to start with the broken side of me because it was the most obvious and, well, it’s the hardest to face and conquer. No one likes when the mirror is presented to them, do they?
I learned quickly that I was a complete control freak, which derived from a severe fear of abandonment. I tried to control every aspect of my life.
I knew this needed to change, so I dug deep with a therapist and a spiritual coach, and we started working to heal my deep, dark, childhood wounds. Because of my strong need to be in control, I wasn’t even remotely enjoying life. I was steering and driving everything the way I believed it needed to go. I was missing out on the beauty of the unknown and the magical element of surprise.
It is impossible to control every aspect of our lives, and painful trying to do so. However, this is a hard lesson to learn. I became aware of many aspects about myself that were depressing, interesting, eye-opening, and confusing—all at the same time.
This journey of self-discovery has been truly amazing. Learning about yourself is cathartic on so many levels, and opens up the doors to healing and the magic of life. After I worked through the hard stuff, the positive started to surface. I have discovered some really neat things about myself.
I forgave myself and others with compassion, which was not familiar to me.
I discovered I am more introverted, which was also surprising to me. The intense fear of being alone forced me to engage in extroverted behavior. This is no longer the case.
Now I crave alone time. If I am with a group of people for too long, I become emotionally drained and find that I am ready to go back to a place that brings me solace, my sacred space.
I am creative, intuitive, and philosophical—a true to form Sagittarius.
As a result of all this work, I appreciate the downtime and process information differently now. I look forward to every moment spent on my yoga mat or in meditation. I used to think meditation meant shutting down your brain to the point that no thoughts entered, which is impossible and not required. Once I understood the concept of resting the body and mind for five minutes, I felt the immediate benefits.
This transition has made me a better person. My relationships are stronger and deeper. I have zero tolerance for toxic behavior, and I have made a conscious choice and commitment to surround myself with only those I feel good around. This may sound a little selfish, but life is short; spending it with people who emotionally drain us or continuously take from us is not healthy for anyone. Always choose yourself.
The old me was constantly busy; planning my weekends in advance to make sure I had a social function to attend, or at the very least, people to spend time with. Now, I value my time so much that I refuse to plan my life away. The weekends are all for me, and most of the time I don’t know what I want to do until the morning I wake up. Sometimes I want to do my own thing with no responsibilities or commitments; I want that flexibility to decide. This is okay.
This amazing transformation has brought me to who I am as a person, mother, friend, coworker, employee, and person of society; I like who I am. I will always be working on aspects of myself that will not change, but I have to accept my whole self.
I am the healthiest I have ever been, and I’m grateful to have had the time to find myself.
So, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
Who are you?
Do you like yourself?
What would you change if you could?
I would love to hear your feedback in the comments.