I had a long, long time to be alone last night;

A role that my talents enable.

I mounted the stage and silenced my critics

By drinking them under the table.

I’ve been classically trained in the tavern arts.

I’m a boozy, bibulous sot.

A virtuoso of chugging a tankard,

A maestro of downing a shot.

I had a long, long time to be alone last night.

Tonight I’m reprising the scene.

I’ll take my script and slip before the curtain,

To let the drama wash my conscience clean.