What if today was your last day…?
What if all I wrote was th..
(with news having come after that I died at my keyboard…doing what I would flat out do every day)
Reality hits me like a locomotive. Tall, black, steaming with rage down the tracks as I lay hostage across the tracks.
Exploring who we are to the very core has to happen should at least three times in our lives. You may pack a small waist belt wallet for that trip, or like me, 5 suitcases with 4 sherpas and 1 very tired donkey.
You may do it over and over and over or you may never do it at all.
What brings you peace. The exploring or the lack of exploring.
Leaving things as they are or upheaving everything you know?
When will it be enough? What will bring you peace?
I thought I was done exploring my childhood trauma when I was into my twenties. I had become the best recovered version of myself.
God wasn’t done with me yet.
At twenty-seven, he gave me the love of my life. At thirty, he almost took my life back home. At thirty-three, he gave me my first-born that I never would have been able to have if I didn’t come through what happened to me at thirty. A life changing diagnosis that would have caused me to not have children had I not been diagnosed correctly.
God has put people in my path that I have loved and lost over and over. The most recent loss was that of a person that brought the aurora borealis to my life. My middle sister who saw the world as I did. Who shared her soul on one am car rides on the frozen banks of the Columbia River as our children slept in the back. Who held my hand in the last months of her life as twilight dusk filled her living room and John Travolta’s movie,”Michael” played. She understood why I couldn’t see her at times because she knew I saw her leaving… that it broke both of our hearts.
God told us something the day she came to tell me it was breast cancer as I was preparing to leave and have my youngest child in another city due to my circumstances. We wouldn’t be together in each of our upcoming life events. He told us then what I would beg another six years not to happen.
The morning after she left, I was given a vision of a bird flying out of an open cage. She was free from her mental and physical prison.
Now she works her magic among the stars, watching over all of us. She comes to us in music and lights that flicker. In hummingbirds and the sweet summer breeze. In the sparkling crystals of a snowbank and the feeling of a winter kiss as snow falls from the tree branch above to my cheek below.
Life is in moments. I feel like I am an expert in grief. I have lost so many people and I remember all of their last days and in some cases, their last breaths. Twelve people that were pieces of my heart went to Heaven in my life by the time I was thirty-nine.
Pain has slithered around my heart and choked it so can’t beat anymore. It has also left open roots exposed to God’s light so something new can emerge.
These times have been reflections in the mirror of my life so my present view can change to what I see now.
How valuable and tangible each breath has become. In…out…in…out…calming.
That in itself is purpose, coursing through your veins.
The warmth of my lover’s hand… the bear hugs of my children, tendrils of hair that cascade across my arm as we cuddle in quiet moments.
What if today was your last day? How would you live it? What decisions would you be making if you knew? Would you be bold like thunder or silent like snowfall?
Have you made yourself heard?
After attending my first Reiki energy healing last week, so much came to be.
How I must stand in my truth, come into my power and be of service to God and others.
As I drove home on my Universal high.. and I was thinking how I had thought that honouring my mediumship and healing gifts was a sin as the Bible might state…
A voice came clear into my mind and said,”that is not a sin… Not honouring who you are is the sin.”
That voice has stayed with me as I surrender my days to Spirit and ensure I work towards my purpose.
What are you doing to honour yours? Don’t wait, time is not ours but what we do with it is.