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“Suffering is Universal and Victimhood Optional.”
Taking responsibility for our actions, behaviour, and emotions can be hard, and it’s often easier to blame someone or something else rather than taking responsibility for how we are feeling and move into a space of healing.
We choose to get caught up in human-drama and become prisoners of our own mind—torturing ourselves and replaying past events that we cannot change. If only we can see the light and see how amazing our life can be if only, we let go of the pain.
There’s the option to find compassion for ourselves and others when we give ourselves the permission we need to heal and to be set free from the trauma we hold onto.
There’s a difference between victimisation and victimhood
We’re all likely to be victimised in some way during the course of our lives, suffering at the hand of another or due to circumstances we have no control over. Unfortunately, pain and suffering are ineffable; may it be the betrayal of those close to you, the boss who says you’re not good enough, establishments we should be able to trust, or the spouse who rages and shouts.
Victimhood, on the other hand, is experienced inside of ourselves, and therefore, no one can make you a victim but you. We become victims not because of what happened to us but because we chose to hold onto our victimisation and develop a victim mentality.
We blame others or the circumstances that have befallen us, which is the core of the wound that’s causing the suffering, which leads us to become stuck in the past, unable to forgive or move on to live a more fulfilling life.
My pain is not worse than yours. The first step toward taking control back is to set healthy limits and boundaries; to move from victimisation toward being more empowered. The question is not, “Why did this happen to me?” But instead, we should ask: “What do we do now?” We all need to accept what was and what is.
To set healthy boundaries and limits are difficult at first, even on good days, because we are so conditioned to “people please.”
Saying “no” is an empowered word and one that we don’t hear often, and one we don’t use enough. I would like to encourage you to not be afraid to say “no” just because it may cause us to feel unworthy or that we may lose our value or someone we love if we were to use it.
The opposite in fact is true when we say “yes,” especially when it could mean that we are setting ourselves up for failure or to be hurt by those we place our trust in. It means we give our power away and we allow others to walk all over us in the name of feeling wanted or to feel valued.
We give our control to another through having poor boundaries and the results ultimately say, “You pull the strings now, and I give you the permission to do so.” If we’re not careful, this can lead to emotional abuse and torture inflicted upon ourselves because of poor boundaries.
To escape the prison of our own minds and to become the person we are meant to be, we all need to find the freedom of our unresolved grief. We should stop punishing ourselves for what we call failures, release all fears from the past, including anger and mistakes we’ve made, and transition toward a life that we really want to see ourselves living.
We cannot have a life free of hurt, pain, or suffering, but we can choose for it not to become our prison and therefore embrace all that’s possible and to be free.