I would never have thought it possible for me to literally dream a great love into my life.
But like all clichéd love stories, I managed to prove myself wrong. This is me sharing this story, with the hope that it might send a little burst of loving energy and inspo the way of anyone who might be trying to manifest their own romance.
About seven years ago, after emerging from a horrific time of my life, I found myself in a really lonely place, really wanting a partner. I was on all the dating apps, and although I tried, outwardly, to stay casual, there was a tiny part of me that eyed up each date hoping that maybe this guy, this time, would want to be with me.
But all the dates I went on were terrible and I was really beginning to feel hopeless and pretty desperate. I started planning for the eventuality that maybe I was just “destined” to be alone in this lifetime—that maybe some people just aren’t cut out for relationships, and I was one of them.
Right in the midst of this rather bleak despair, I bumped into a friend who had just gotten married. After congratulating her, I told her how lucky she was and how I wish I could have a long-term partner too.
She looked me straight in the eye and asked me, completely earnestly, “But why? I mean, I love my husband, but he’s always there and I can’t really do much without checking most things with him first. There’s loads of good stuff about being single too and you can enjoy doing so many things when you’re single that you can’t when you’re married.”
Something totally clicked for me in that moment.
I realised that if I was to meet someone for the long-term, then this moment would be the last time I would get to enjoy all the good bits of being single.
I realised that I’d spent all of the last few years focusing only on what and who wasn’t there in my life and the “failure” of each date, rather than enjoying all the good, juicy things that were there in my singleness.
I decided then to just have fun. Instead of dreading how much longer I would be single, I reframed it by thinking that I would make the most this remaining time of singledom. If I was going to end up with a long-term partner, this could possibly be the last time I’d get to enjoy being single for a long time (if not for the rest of my life!)
I realised that once I had a relationship, I might never again get to enjoy this—the fun thrill of meeting someone new, of being adored by a whole load of different people, of “the chase,” of uncomplicated, pleasure-filled, sexy adventures!
So, I decided I would go on as many dates as possible, meet as many different people as I could, dress up, be flirty, be footloose and fancy-free, and enjoy a good night out with no expectation that this might be the guy.
If a date didn’t work out or we didn’t click, I decided not to feel miserable about it but to rack it up as a good story (and there are lots of good-but-terrible-but-hilarious stories—for another time!).
If I went on a date with a horrible guy, I would only remind myself of how much more awesome I was by comparison, and how much more and better I deserved (I know this sounds arrogant, but it’s really about just recognising the things you love about yourself, and owning what you want and deserve). I’d let it go and look forward to the next date with the next, better guy.
I decided to totally enjoy this moment and make myself as happy as possible first. And something strange happened—the moment I committed to only having fun and enjoying each moment, each experience, each date, I ended up getting loads of dates and attention from loads of hot, decent guys who all wanted me.
I flipped the script in my head. Instead of hoping that a date would be not-terrible and would want to be with me, I decided that I would be the one to choose and decide who would get to be with me. And that’s really how it was!
Gabrielle Bernstein talks a lot about the importance of joy and having fun in the process of manifestation. Having fun, feeling joy, and being appreciative of these fun, joyful moments elevates our energetic vibrations and puts us in a highly charged state that attracts the things we want and feel worthy of to come into our lives.
We can literally do less and attract more.
I wasn’t thinking about all manifestion or law of attraction during this time; I wasn’t even reading or thinking about Gabrielle Bernstein’s writings at the time. I just knew I wanted and deserved to have fun, and that I wanted to enjoy everything that felt pleasurable in sex and dating.
So I went out and did just that. I was right there in the middle of the joy and high vibrations that all manifestion books and gurus talk about!
I met the guy I’m now with right in the middle of all this super fun time. I wasn’t even wanting a relationship at that time, actually, because I was just having so much fun meeting loads of people, going to parties, having great sex, and being adored by scores of beautiful men! I just sort of fell into it and now, we’ve been together for almost three years.
He ticks off everything I could have wanted in a partner—and more.
Meeting him and settling into a relationship has felt very much like I “attracted” and drew into my life exactly what I was putting out during that fun time—in other words, that I desired and deserved fun, pleasurable, comfortable love that allowed me to live and be exactly as I am.
I’m now one of the most loved-up people I know!
Just as Gabrielle Bernstein often talks about, this greatest love came to me at a time when I wasn’t trying to make it happen. It came to me when I let go of the outcome and focused on making every present moment, date, interaction, and friendship a fun, joyful, easeful time.
So—have fun, have fun, and then have more fun. Be the most joyful, date-worthy person you know and others will want to be around and with you too. I almost envy all the great moments you have ahead of you!
* The photo inside this article is one of my favourites because it captures exactly the kind of supportive, loving, but fun relationship I have always wanted: I love to lie-in in the mornings as I struggle so much with sleep; this is a rare moment where I am actually completely relaxed, still, and sleeping peacefully. He is the only partner I have had who is completely supportive of this and stays as silent as he can in the mornings to not disturb me. He’s also someone who’s never too proud to be silly, playful, or daft, like he is in this pic!