May 22, 2021

Are we Confusing Love with the Need to be Loved?

As a woman who’s constantly evolving, I have witnessed myself (and many other women) craving for a man, a lover, a partner to choose me.

This longing is so deep it oftentimes blinds me to the red flags.

Our desire to be chosen, to be loved by a man becomes our priority; we forget about asking ourselves vital questions, like “who is choosing me?” and the most important one, “am I choosing them too?”

It took me a long time to understand that just because I encounter dudes who show interest (emotional or sexual or both) in me doesn’t mean they are worth my time or a match for me.

I used to think that I liked every guy I had dated. 

That was a false assumption.

I never really asked myself, “Do I like this person? Do I choose him? Am I dating him? Am I only settling for what he is giving me?”

Add the daddy issues, the lack of self-worth, and not feeling enough (which most of us struggle with), and we have a recipe for disaster.

It’s been more than two years that I have decided to remain celibate. My soul pulled me in to face myself and my inner wounds that past lovers had caused. They left deep scars within me that brought to the surface the darkest wounds from my childhood. 

During all this time, I decided to invest time, energy, and love in building me and my goals, leaving little open space for romantic relationships because I have finally realized that I need this alone time.

Now, I no longer rush into dating someone.

I take my time.

I slow down.

I read their messages.

I see their behaviors.

I see if they are consistent in what they say.

I see if there are mismatched beliefs and words in what they express to me.

I see if they live in integrity with themselves.

I notice how they treat me in subtle ways.

I understand where they are coming from.

I pause.

I breathe.

Then I decide if I want to date that person.

I have not settled.

I no longer date those who are interested in dating me—simply because I have removed the blindfolds.

I don’t wear pink eyeglasses anymore to blur my reality.

I am no longer concerned whether this man is choosing me or if they merely like me.

I ask myself, “Do I really enjoy talking to this guy? Do I like him? Would I date him?”

If the answer is no, I let him go and move on.

I don’t doubt my heart and my sharp intuition anymore.

Of course, I’m not perfect, and I’m not looking for someone who is either.

I don’t have time to “play it cool, “play hard to get,” or any other game. 

I tell them the plain truth and always listen to how my body responds to their presence.

It has taken me a while to get to this place, but I have decided to walk my path alone as I mature, evolve, and discover my desire for an amazing, magical sex with a man I like, choose, and love.

And if I truly choose to love him, it will be someone who is going to reciprocate my level of appreciation and love. It’s bound to be so.

Because now, I don’t rush myself into any type of relationship anymore.

Now, I slow down.

I observe.

I feel my body.

I ask myself if I feel safe around this person. If I feel appreciated. If we are on the same level of heart frequency.

So next time someone wants to date you, ask yourself those questions, and most importantly, ask yourself, “Did I choose this person first?”



Read 10 Comments and Reply

Read 10 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Ilda Dashi  |  Contribution: 50,065

author: Ilda Dashi

Image: Olya Kobruseva/Unsplash

Editor: Elyane Youssef

Relephant Reads:

See relevant Elephant Video