July 10, 2021

I can’t Lie and say it Doesn’t Hurt.

I miss you today.

I missed you yesterday too and will likely miss you tomorrow.

I’m not sure why you left, but you did.

I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt.

It hurts every day.

I feel unreal today.

I’m floating high above my body.

All I see is a person.

I know it’s me, but it doesn’t look like me.

Her eyes are puffy, and she doesn’t smile.

Tears run down her cheeks.

I don’t know how to help her.

She can’t be reached.

She sits in a puddle of tears like this often and lets nobody in, including me.

I know you wanted to leave, but it really hurt her.

I’m not sure why you didn’t set her down gently.

She felt your intensity.

I felt it too.

We all did.

Maybe you had to go.

Maybe you weren’t the right therapist for us.

Maybe this is true.

I wish though that you understood your importance to her.

I wish you didn’t hurt her like this.

I wish you knew where she came from so you would have held her gently as you put her down.

She didn’t need this.

None of us did.

She’s just a little girl who was never loved as a child.

She just wants a mommy.

She just wanted you to stay.

You told her you two had a special heart connection.

That connection used to help her sleep.

That connection gave color to her cheeks.

Now that the connection is gone, she sits like this, lifeless in a puddle of tears.

I need to help her.

I’m taking her to therapy tomorrow.

She doesn’t want to go, but I need to make her go.

I need to find someone to help us heal her heart.

I’m not sure after the way things ended with you if she will ever trust someone again, but I have to hope.

I have to hope she will get better.

I have to hope someone in this world will be kind to her.

If not someone else, I will be.

Tonight I’m going to make her dinner.

I’m making her pasta.

That should cheer her up.

If not, at least I can tuck her into bed.

She doesn’t have to feel okay.

I’m okay with her just as she is.

I’ll be here tonight, as always.

I’ll hold her when she’s ready.


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