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The best advice I have ever been given about love stopped me in my tracks.
I have repeated it countless times to clients, friends, and family.
Two simple words: don’t settle.
Those words might seem exceedingly elementary. But when I stopped to think about the many ways I had settled in relationships in my life, it struck a deep chord.
Most people will tend to make endless excuses for others they are in a relationship with. Many fear being alone so will hold tight to someone even if in their heart they know this is not a healthy match.
The majority of people do not hold out hope for a love beyond their wildest dreams because they have given up and consider that kind of love a fairy tale. They don’t feel worthy enough for a healthy, happy, nurturing, loving, and respectful relationship. We teach people how to treat us, and if we do not have a healthy sense of self-worth, we will attract someone who reflects that back to us.
In healing physically, I was someone who embraced the Law of Attraction, knowing the power of my mind and intention. After separating from my husband, when I was ready to date, I had a two-page, single-spaced typed list of what I wanted in a partner. I called it my “he is” list. Things like, “He is genuine,” “He is funny,” “He is good with my children,” “He is kind,” and about 55 other items were all on my list.
Friends joked I was being way too picky, and there was never any way I could possibly find someone with every single quality I was asking for on the list. I definitely also had my doubts, but as I dated, I continued to edit the list for a couple of years. I refined what my ideal relationship would look like and more importantly, what I felt I deserved. Boy those words, “don’t settle,” kept coming up as a reminder!
Guess what? Once that list was perfect and I had done enough self-healing, my ideal mate did step into my life. He was every single thing on the list.
Even as this man was right in front of me and it felt like a fairy tale, I still found my brain making up excuses and doubting my own self-worth. I also had a deep irrational fear that I could hurt this man somehow.
Luckily, I saw the doubts and negative thinking for what it was. I gave myself permission to embrace this love instead of running away in fear. Seven years later, we are happier than I could have ever imagined and he is every single thing on that list and more.
Please, do yourself a favor and do not settle.
Your partner will be a reflection of everything you love in yourself and want reflected back to you, and so much more. It is not your job to fix anyone, and it is not healthy to get into a relationship when you love the idea of who this person might become instead of who is standing right in front of you, showing themselves to you.
You deserve happiness and a partner who loves you as you love them—in a healthy, loving, supportive, and nurturing manner.
It might take slightly longer to find your perfect match, but that is time to dive deep into your own healing to become the person who will attract your perfect match to you.
Please, take the advice that allowed me to bring such joy into my life: don’t settle.