July 19, 2021

What it’s Like for an Independent Woman to ask for What she Needs.


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Embodying wisdom is about having it in our actions.

And living a sacred life is about being in the right relationship with ourselves and the cosmos.

When it comes to embodying our wisdom, we must recognise that our queenly power lives in our bodies. Bringing out that womanly power is done by voicing and following our feelings, which immediately and naturally puts us in the right relationship with the cosmos.

But acting from our feelings does require asking for what we need, which can feel really tough at first. I grew up being taught that I could always do everything by myself. I recall my mom, with all her good intentions, saying, “You don’t need a man.” So I was fiercely independent from a young age.

I found out that one of the words I had to use for stepping into my feminine power was “need.” But it was almost torturous to say it. It felt like I was making myself vulnerable in a bad way—weak and dependent—when of course I was simply making myself vulnerable: open and willing to receive.

This is a beautiful and natural quality of being feminine. Such a gear change in perspective. When I started to ask clearly for what I needed, my life transformed!

Asking for what we need is about being clear about what we desire and speaking clearly to that. Having a need is different from being needy.

Being clear about what we desire sounds simple but can be pretty complex, as it’s easy to ignore how we feel in order to help others around us feel better about themselves. The irony is that we might end up feeling good if we stay honest with ourselves. Being in the right relationship with ourselves nudges others toward the right relationship with themselves.

We’ve been taught that asking for what we need is a weak characteristic. But if we turn this idea around and see it as openness and allowance, we will recognise that needing is about receiving. To embody the feminine means to allow the outward in and receive all the juicy goodness life has to offer.

Living from that honest vulnerability allows us to embody our wisdom and puts us in the right direction. Part of this is knowing when and where to ask for help.

Who do we ask for help when we have needs? Way back when, before the external sources existed or were limited, what did people rely on to survive and thrive? Community.

It’s time to reconnect to each other in “Queendom” and community. It’s a perfect time, as women all around us are waking up to regain their power too. Part of embodying the feminine wisdom and living a sexy sacred life is about connecting to other women to support, uplift, be vulnerable, and be open.

Recent history has normalized searching outside of ourselves and using externalized knowledge, from medical institutions to teachers and other gurus to live and be directed.

Lady queens, the age of gurus doing the work for us is over.

Being ourselves in the world is about knowing ourselves and following our pleasure to play by our own rules, redefining them as we go. We must be kind and patient with ourselves around this. Learning a new way of being is like physical exercise—it will likely take some time to get proficient. But we can always enjoy exploring it.

If it is all about knowing ourselves, why do we need anything else?

When we start to consciously connect to our intuition, we are still learning how to figure out which voice is fear and which voice is our inner guidance.

Community gives us accountability but mostly is a vehicle for support.

Having a supportive community of like-minded sister queens is a massive help on this journey. Sometimes we need someone who can support us to see past our resistance and fear, straighten our crowns, remind us to connect to pleasure, and support us to use and practice the tools that will allow us to thrive.

I truly believe this approach of inner connection/wisdom/intuition is where we need to go as women. This is the legacy for all the would-be queens, women, daughters, sisters, and mothers-to-be—a gift we are creating for all womankind. A female community attuned to our innate wisdom and passing it on to future generations for upliftment.

It’s time for us to live our lives in a way that creates the environment we desire within and around us with other women.

It’s time for us to claim our sexy, sacred lives, lady queens.



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