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Deep-seated anxiety wrapped around my belly.
Grabbing hold of my insides.
Making it hard to breathe.
Catch a deep breath.
I tell myself I am calm, I am safe to no avail.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Release the pressure in my chest.
Remind myself I will be okay.
Feelings are temporary; this too shall pass.
Wrapping my brain around the panic, where did it stem from?
What am I worried about?
It’s hard to pin point—there are so many things, so many what-ifs hanging in the air where I am trying to breathe.
I feel surrounded by too much stimulation—the unknown, the lack of security and safety.
I’m spinning. I need life to slow down, just for a minute.
Let me catch up, let me catch my breath.
Sometimes, this life is too much. The future too unknown.
Overstimulated by the ads while I’m pumping gas.
Overwhelmed by the ads for meat and pizza.
Overwhelmed by a market with so many options that are killing our people and planet.
When will we wake up?
I am woke, but I want to dull this ache.
It’s too much to be a fully, living, feeling person on this big green Earth.
No wonder people dull themselves with substance. It’s too much to take sometimes.
There’s nowhere to hide. The ache is ever present.
When will we start to live fully? When will we start to see one another? When will the pain end?
It’s like being invisible in a foreign land. I can see it all, but no one can see me. No one is present.
People are laughing and having fun, not knowing our demise is right around the corner.
Breathe, stay calm.
Try not to feel so much, they say.
I see a woman drunkenly dancing on the beach. Laughing and erotically moving her body. I know where that leads.
I used to be that woman.
And now I feel. I feel it all.
I know the freedom will come.
When I want to stuff and drink—I choose to feel instead. I know what comes the next morning.
So instead of letting loose, today I feel. Tomorrow I dance.
“You’re not doing life wrong; you’re doing it right. If there’s any secret you’re missing, it’s that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that’s what they’re for. Feelings are for feeling” ~ Glennon Doyle