August 31, 2021

I’m a Relationship Astrologer who Doesn’t Believe in Compatibility.


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“Whether it’s science or magic, if it’s of fun benefit, enjoy!” ~ ed


I’m a relationship astrologer, and I have a dirty little secret to share with you: sun sign compatibility is a myth.

“But Hilary, you’re an astrologer! You have to believe in compatibility!” 

Actually, I don’t. And neither should you. 

“Why?” The Sun Sign Compatibility Myth damages your relationships. 

“How?” So glad you asked!

1. You aren’t giving “incompatible” sign combinations a chance. You’ve read up on your Sun Sign, and you’ve done just enough stalking research on your new love interest to confirm their Sun Sign. According to the gods of the internet, the two Sun Signs are not compatible, so you write off the relationship. This biased thinking means you’re missing major growth opportunities. What I, as an astrologer, would call “challenging aspects” can actually help you. These aspects provide the most opportunity for positive relationship growth in areas like self-advocacy, negotiating skills, and mindfulness.

2. You give in to selection bias. You start (consciously or unconsciously) looking for excuses to disqualify the relationship based on the perceived lack of compatibility. Hey, you’re not the only one; scientists call this selection bias, and here it means you go into the relationship expecting to see a certain correlated result. You fixate on events that seem to confirm the lack of compatibility between Sun Signs; you’re not evaluating the relationship on its own merits!

3. You deny your own “gut feelings” in confirmation of the Sun Sign compatibility myth. Have you ever met someone and immediately felt “good vibes” (in astrology, we call this a “polarity sense” or “intuitive knowing”)? What would happen if you then discounted this reaction purely on the basis of Sun Sign? You’re screwing yourself over here. When you make a decision in defiance of your “sixth sense” (intuition, inner voice, whatever label you prefer), you reinforce a fundamental lack of self-trust. Living divorced from your intuition—displaying a fundamental lack of trust in your own instincts and knowledge—can contribute to a host of issues. The chief among them? Imposter syndrome and chronic anxiety.

So what’s the answer to the sun sign compatibility conundrum? As an astrologer, of course, I’m going to advocate for an astrology-based approach. Synastry (the holistic study of relationship astrology) encourages us to compare everything—each individual aspect of two or more astrology profiles—when determining potential influences and outcomes for future relationships, rather than making a snap judgement based on one planetary influence or trait. There’s a number of reputable websites that can help you create and interpret a synastry chart for yourself and your partner—romantic, personal, or professional.

Now, a word of caution: some people might recommend you rush off to a professional astrologer for a chart reading. As a professional astrologer myself, I usually recommend that you avoid engaging a professional the first time out, though!

Why? Because learning how to read and interpret your chart for yourself will help you immensely in future relationships. Paying a professional is an easy way out of the work, sure, but then you’re not educated on how to help yourself avoid these three key pitfalls in the future.

Bottom line: next time you’re tempted to dismiss someone on the basis of their Sun Signdon’t. Back up and see what you can learn from a synastry report.


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