Just like toxic parents, toxic partners, toxic grandparents, and toxic in-laws exist, so do toxic daughters-in-law.
No matter how nice they are treated, they will always have their fangs out for others, especially their mother-in-law. (They strike them whenever they are even a little bit angry.)
A toxic daughter-in-law can be mean, narcissistic, selfish, and insensitive toward her mother-in-law most of the time, without any reason. Even if they have the best mother-in-law in the world, they will find some reason or another to torment her and treat her miserably.
If you suspect that you might have a toxic daughter-in-law, then looking out for these signs might give you some clarity:
1. She is open about her dislike for you.
She makes it quite clear that she dislikes you—every little thing you do irks her. Sometimes she will be subtle about her dislike for you, but she will be pretty open about it for the most part.
She will put you down in front of other family members, dismiss your opinions right off the bat, talk rudely to you, and always make you feel that you are not important enough in the family. Emotionally tormenting you is her favorite hobby.
2. She is narcissistic and extremely selfish.
Selfish is her middle name, and being a narcissist is her identity. She only cares about herself, her own needs and interests, and could care less about how her actions might be affecting you. A toxic daughter-in-law will always look for ways to make your life a living hell.
Just like a true narcissist, she will come to you and be nice to you if she needs something, but the moment she gets what she wants, she will treat you like garbage. As long as you are useful to her, she will be the sweetest person; otherwise, you are nothing to her.
3. She has absolutely no respect for you.
When you have a toxic daughter-in-law, be rest assured that respect is something you will never get to experience from her. You might be the nicest person in this whole wide world, the best mother-in-law to her, but none of it will matter in the slightest.
Her dislike for you will surpass every ounce of positivity you try to bring into the relationship with her. She will insult you in front of your grandchildren, make you feel irrelevant and unimportant, and make disparaging remarks about you whenever she sees you. Disrespecting you makes her feel good about herself and her insecurities.
4. She loves to indulge in smear tactics about you.
Whenever she feels like you are challenging her or trying to call her out on her toxicity, she will immediately get to work smearing your name in the family and in public. She will launch smear campaigns against you and won’t leave any stone unturned in destroying your name and reputation in front of everyone.
If needed, she might even make up lies about you and attempt to turn everyone against you. And she will be so convincing that most people will end up believing her. Even when you confront her about this, she will make up more lies and pretend to be innocent.
5. She is always dismissive of you and your opinions.
Whatever you have to say does not matter to her in the slightest. She might have married your son, but you mean nothing to her. That’s why, whenever you try to put forth your opinion in any family discussion, she will either dismiss you immediately or pretend that she didn’t hear you.
For her, your opinions don’t matter—nor do you. She will ignore you. She will behave as if you aren’t part of the family. She will forget that it’s your son she married, and you are an important part of his life. And most importantly, she will forget that you are a human being with emotions. And every time she dismisses you, it breaks your heart a little.
6. She can never be wrong.
Your daughter-in-law can never be wrong, but you? Well, in her eyes, you are always wrong. She will nitpick everything about you and find faults in everything you do, but things change completely when the spotlight is on her.
Even when all the evidence is stacked against her, she will refuse to admit her mistakes—she’ll vehemently preach that she’s not wrong. You are simply “making things up.” It’s always your fault—never hers.
Having a toxic daughter-in-law is probably one of the hardest ever, but she is the person your son married, so she will always be a part of the family. Try to be cordial with her, but don’t try to build a relationship with her at the cost of your self-respect and dignity. She will never acknowledge it, nor will she respect you, so there’s no point in compromising your self-esteem.