The idea of dying from COVID-19 freaked me out until the thing that scared me the most happened: I tested positive.
Being human, we tend to choose the positive over the negative—except when it comes to the PCR test results. Those of us who pray get down on our knees and beg for a negative result. However, when it comes back as positive, we panic and the negative thoughts about the quarantine haunt us.
Illusions and fears start escalating when we think about the symptoms and the possible complications—such as fever, cough, lack of oxygen, nausea, shortness of breath, diarrhea, sore throat, runny nose, losing the sense of smell and taste, low immunity, general malaise, and possibly…death.
Before being affected by Covid, I took all necessary precautions—from socializing with others, visiting friends and neighbors, to avoiding eating out at all cost. I did my best to adhere to social distancing at all times. Like everyone else, I used disinfectants at home and wore a mask when I had to go grocery shopping or when it was absolutely necessary for me to go out to buy food or medication. I was terrified of getting infected, especially after knowing the shortage of medical supplies, staff, and beds in local hospitals.
Despite all the precautions, I tested positive. What I did not expect was how I reacted. I didn’t even blink, and I didn’t feel anything. All I could think about then was how bad I longed to be alone for two or three weeks. Before catching Covid, I was thinking about leaving home to relax at a hotel or a resort to be alone, and here was my golden chance.
My journey with isolation (being quarantined alone at home) started by having my temperature and oxygen levels checked every single morning followed by taking my vitamins and meds. I used to prepare my own meals, tidy up, clean my room and bathroom, then do some gardening in the afternoon. My roses, plants, trees, flowers, herbs, and vegetables needed care as much as I did. I used to spend the rest of my day reading, drawing, and napping. I enjoyed listening to music and remembering when the world was free of this pandemic.
Despite being physically affected by mild symptoms, having faith helped me overcome it. I was at peace knowing that a personal breakthrough was on its way. I loved praying at night, and I had beautiful conversations with God. I asked; I conversed; I got answers. It was my chance to evaluate myself, restore it, and escape to a circle of light that showed me my past mistakes, and I vowed to restore what was broken with good deeds, wisdom, consciousness, and gratitude.
Thankfully, my recovery went smoothly, unlike so many who unfortunately did not make it, and my results finally came out as negative. I got myself back, and I do not only mean physically—it was because Covid set me free and broke many shackles.
It gave me a chance to rediscover myself and replay almost everything that had happened throughout my lifetime.
Here are six ways getting Covid set me free:
1. I was freed from my own egoism and selfishness. I was not ashamed, like many, to say I had Covid. Unlink many, I didn’t say I simply had the flu or a cold, which would have put others at risk of getting infected.
2. I was freed from the fear of getting sick, of being alone in a dark room, and of death. Fear has lived within me for years, and it even depressed me, terrorized me, and caused one breakdown after the other. I felt I was healed. I realized I was not alone, and amidst sickness, hardship, loneliness, sadness, and struggle, God has never ever left me. Nothing will ever happen to us unless it has been decreed. What is meant to be will be.
3. I was freed from the bondage of fake relationships with hypocrites and opportunists. Once they realized I was at my weakest, they did not even bother to ask about how I felt and whether I needed anything. Whereas those who are truly my friends never left throughout my recovery. They were ready to provide me with food, meds, and whatever I needed, in addition to the moral support by staying in contact. I vow to keep those whose souls resemble mine, who value the sacredness of friendship, by my side always and forever.
4. I was freed from my distorted body image after years of trying to lose weight. I spent a lifetime at dieticians clinics trying to lose a pound here and a pound there only to gain them all back after a while. Due to the virus, I lost my appetite, and I suffered from a terrible stomachache that got me to my “weight goal.”
5. I was freed from the idiotic sympathy that people saw as naivety and weakness of character. I raised my voice and finally spoke out loud. I stood up for what I believed in and rejected any destructive criticism or any form of slander. I no longer cared what was said behind my back. I am free; this is my life; I do whatever I see fit.
6. Last but not least, I was freed from haste, waste, having second-thoughts, and most importantly, people pleasing.
Sending my healing thoughts to those who have tested positive, or have lost a loved one during this terrible pandemic.