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As if breaking up with someone we love is not enough—on top of this, we have a global pandemic to contend with.
You may think that you have your freedom back, but ironically, it has been restricted. The activities that keep you busy and distracted are probably limited, and the much-needed hugs are no longer allowed.
You may feel alone and find it hard to see a positive way forward, when you can’t even meet your friends in a bar to off-load. It’s enough to send even the strongest of us over the edge, and you are definitely not alone in this. Remember, “alone” spells al-one.
Back in March, many people have said that they felt like they experienced the seven stages of grief. Many were in shock when they heard the bad news of the pandemic, while some were in denial, questioning whether or not it was real. Many felt anger and frustration that they were trapped in their homes all day.
Many bargained for their freedom as they tried to find a way out, only to fall into a depression with the final realisation. They tried testing the situation, hoping they could make a change on a mass level, and finally rested in acceptance that it was too big for anyone to control on an individual level.
Often, when we go through a breakup, we experience all of the above, either consecutively or all at the same time, but to experience a breakup whilst this is happening can be soul destroying, devastating, and a double hit of the seven stages of grief.
At the beginning of 2020, I was taking my annual two-months trip to Thailand when the pandemic broke out. Although my boyfriend at the time was with me, I started to realise that we were on completely different pages. I was trying to save the world, and he was more interested in his motorbike—in short, as an already tempestuous relationship, we broke up.
On top of what felt like the world was ending, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only was I on the other side of the world, but I was also feeling the collective consciousness—as well as my own. A friend died, I caught malaria, and I was also involved in a scooter accident. It was one hell of a ride (no pun intended), and I reached a dramatic all-time low. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed and suffered suicidal thoughts due to the aftereffects of malaria.
Luckily, I had tools and techniques to self-heal, and a group of angels came to my rescue on the wonderful island of Koh-Phangan.
You would think I would have been happy living six months on a tropical island, but one of the many lessons I learned was that we can live in the vacation of our dreams—but if we are going through grief and inner turmoil, we can be anywhere and not appreciate it. For three months, I just couldn’t see it; the beautiful sunsets were overlooked, and I was trapped in a nightmare within.
I look back at this time and realise it was part of my soul’s evolution to enable me to become a better heartbreak healer and coach. I have suffered so many heartbreaking situations in the past, and now I even know how to handle one in a global pandemic. Wow!
When we go through a breakup, it’s our perception of the breakup and the loss of an imagined future that cause us so much pain. It is a time to transform and become the best versions of ourselves, to ascend to a higher state of consciousness that brings many gifts—I became more flexible and resilient with a greater spiritual awareness and clairvoyance. I now watch the world play out as it does, not as affected as I was before. I now feel I’m dodging bullets like Neo in “The Matrix.”
If you are going through a breakup now, in the midst of all this, please allow yourself to sleep—to cry if you need to. Go within and ask for all the lessons this breakup has come to show you. Know there is hope and you will get through it, even if you look outside and think “what’s the point in carrying on?” The pandemic will make it all feel so much worse than it is, so it is important to seek help with your emotions and unravel the thoughts that are driving you crazy (you don’t have to do it alone).
Turn off the news; you will not find your answers there. Reduce social media time, and take this time to go within.
In my practice as a heartbreak healer, I can share the top two healing techniques that helped get me through it.
First, ask yourself, “What’s something I have always wanted to achieve, but never had the time to do it?”
This could be anything that your heart desires. An online course that you have had your eye on, starting an online business, or creating and adding to your already fully functional business.
First practice. (This was inspired by the top spiritual teacher, Matt Kahn.)
- Sit nice and comfortably, like you would in meditation.
- Take a nice, deep breath, in and out.
- Focus on the feelings in your body.
- Pick the most painful part and place your hand on it.
- Even if the feeling dissipates after the first few “I love you,” keep saying, “I love you” for two minutes as your meditation mantra.
Love is the highest vibration in the universe; it overcomes feelings of grief and fear.
Every time you feel a tightness or a churning, sit with it until you have loved it completely out of your body, one layer, one I love you at a time. This practice has literally kept me sane throughout the whole year!
If you need motivation in the morning, the second practice will get your body and mind ready for the day!
Connective conscious breathing is where we actively breathe in and out without pause.
- Put your favorite upbeat tune on. (There are many beautiful here.) And find a place you won’t be disturbed.
- Relax your jaw and open your mouth. Start breathing in and out of the mouth without pausing.
- Create movement in the body, up and down, side to side, you can even do this lying down. Make shapes and movements that you don’t usually make when moving; this will create new neural pathways in the brain.
- Do this for up to 10 minutes—if you would like a gentle version, you can breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.
During this practice, your body’s cells will be filled with more oxygen. It will stimulate the vagus nerve, which connects multiple parts of the body together and also positively impacts the autonomic nervous system.
You may experience tingling, hot and cold sensations, surges of energy, and waves of pleasure. You may feel all kinds of emotion too—allow the tears to flow if they need to and surrender into the experience. If you feel overwhelmed at any time, simply slow the breathing down, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.
Breath work stimulates emotions that live dormant in the body, and using this technique can release emotions, creating space for love and calmness. This simple practice can start off gently, twisting and turning the body or stretching. You can even turn it into a dramatic dance of stomping movements. It’s up to you—play around with it.