September 12, 2021

Dear F*ck Boys: I Want a real Man.


View this post on Instagram


Warning: naughty language ahead!


Dear fuck boys: there is nothing wrong with where or who you are right now.

I used to be that girl who used to accommodate you in my body and in my life.

I used to welcome you because I did not know the difference between a boy and a man.

I used to love you. I used to be attracted to you.

I think I was too naive when it came to love and sex.

As I have matured and evolved as a woman, now I know better.

While there is nothing wrong with you per se, I want you to know that you no longer turn on women like me.

It took me awhile to understand what it means to be turned on by a man.

If his eyes, his presence itself, does not arouse me or evoke something at the depth of me, I don’t want him. He is not for me—and certainly I am not for him.

Not because women like me don’t like to be fucked. We actually crave to be fucked…well, by a man who is able to master his sexual energies and use them to feed the woman he is with, to add to her sparkle, and experience magic in her eyes.

But a man who cannot handle his sexual energy won’t be able to take it slow as he explores sensual, erotic, and self-aware women like me.

So ask yourself: do you go to her to feed her? Or to get something from her?

A mutual exchange of give and take of sexual energies makes sex feel like you are in heaven—but not when you go to her to fill up your inner void or squeeze your sexual thirst.

But she will know the difference. Even when she has not yet matured enough into her womanhood.

She will feel your energy of sexual starvation or fantasy of her to get something out of her.

In my experience, a boy who has not yet matured into his manhood on an emotional, sexual, and intellectual level is usually unclear, confused, easily distracted when it comes to what he is looking for in a woman.

A boy does not know yet what he is looking for.

While experiencing and experimenting with different things, don’t be surprised when you encounter a woman like her and feel rejected.

A conscious, sensual, and erotic woman is too much of an energy for a boy who does not know himself yet, let alone be a container for her.

The age of the boys we meet does not matter. He can be 20, 25, 30, 40, 55, or even older.

The age does not always tell if a man or a woman has matured enough into their whole self.

Being a husband or a wife, a mother or a father, is no guarantee that you have mastered yourself and your being to sparkle into your most mesmerizing potential self.

This is not an article to shame men—or to bring them down.

This is an important message that is not being talked about enough, in my personal opinion.

As we mature, as men and women, it is our responsibility to check in with our relationships and their quality.

We are so brainwashed into having fast sexual encounters, intimacy, and the desire to touch each other that the presence of the other is lost in the process.

While sex can be divinely orchestrated experiences when we connect with each other, sex alone won’t bring about intimacy—the deep meeting of the other and oneself—as many of us desire and want in our lives.

I used to settle for less than what my spirit is made of and would end up suffering, but I did not realize it was my own responsibility to choose and open the door to boys who could not see me nor meet me in my most dark and magical places within myself.

No wonder romantic relationships are oftentimes a place of struggle, deep disappointment, destroyed marriages, and “can we fuck and still be friends?” kind of experiences.

I did not realize in the past that all those men who were after me were not worthy of my time—and I shared my heart with them.

It takes a lot of self-respect, healthy self-esteem, and a lot of inner work to understand oneself and what we want truly in our romantic lives.

I’m not a perfect woman who’s preaching others. I hope you can see deeper than my words to understand where I come from and what I’m trying to convey here.

It hurts to see so much discomfort and distractions when it comes to love and sex.

If we reach out to someone from a place of sexual starvation, this someone will feel it and might withdraw.

If we reach out to someone without considering that we are communicating with a human being whose inner world is completely different than ours, they will know and might move away.

If we are too desperate and reach out to someone because of that desperation, they will know and might move away.

I am a woman and talking from the perspective of a woman. I invite men to write about their honest perspective on their romantic relationships.

I would not want to date, let alone invite to my intimate space, a man who comes to me solely for his sexual desires. To me, there is nothing sexy or arousing about a man who makes sex all about him.

If he is not genuine and true (to himself first, and to me secondly) about his motives of approaching me, I don’t want him.

If a man is not living his life in integrity with who he truly is, I don’t want him.

If he has not integrated his genitals with his heart, I don’t want him.

If he has not come to a place within himself when he recognizes there is a king or god living inside him and he feels that energy and embodies it, I don’t want him.

If he cannot see me, I don’t want him.



Most adult relationships are just a waste of time or a place of distraction to avoid the inner discomfort, insecurities, and unhappiness.

We try to fill the inner void with other people’s bodies, thoughts, and energies.

I love to spend time alone. It feeds me.

If a connection I have with someone is not grounded, nourishing, and mutual, I exit it.

The woman in me knows the truth, and I obey to her. I honor her. I trust her.

If you want to be a man of a higher caliber—a man of value—then check in with yourself and see how you approach women. What kind of women you end up with in bed? Are they your kind of “woman”?

What if not?

Most of us prefer to settle instead of being alone.

I love to be alone until a man’s presence turns me on in all levels of my being without him even touching me.

In case you were wondering, yes, there are women like me out there: sensual, erotic, wise, and aware, who are looking for men like you.

Do you dare to be true to your genitals, to your heart, and to your unique mind in integrity and harmony? Do you honor all these parts of you as one?

The world needs more conscious men and women to create new relationship paradigms that break the old ways of relating to each other intimately.



Read 2 Comments and Reply

Read 2 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Ilda Dashi  |  Contribution: 50,065

author: Ilda Dashi

Image: ivan.debs/Instagram

Editor: Elyane Youssef

Relephant Reads:

See relevant Elephant Video