September 25, 2021

This is a Male Violence Issue, not a Women’s Safety Issue—the Video we’re all Feeling Right Now.

*A few necessary swear words below


Nothing in this video below is new; and it shouldn’t be new news to anyone who is paying attention.

But in the light of all the fuckery happening around the world, and by fuckery, this time I mean male violence toward women—this video pretty much sums up almost all we’re feeling right now.

Tap the play button and listen to Tova Leigh’s passionate and necessary words:



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How much more do we have to take?

That was a serious question.

Over the past week, our feeds were running nonstop updates on the tragic story of the white girl who went missing, and it quickly became a visual feast for all true crime aficionados. Watching online sleuths using Google maps to find Gabby Petito while analyzing every word she said and didn’t say in her previous posts. Yet, the other half of the internet was crying out about the complete lack of coverage for any of the many missing BIPOC persons.

“In the same area that Gabby Petito disappeared, 710 indigenous people mostly girls-disappeared between the years of 2011 and 2020 but their stories didn’t lead news cycles.” ~ @MollyJongFast.

“Only taking notice when a white woman disappears, that’s anti-Indigenous and anti-Black. Not knowing why, is anti-Indigenous and anti-Black. Yes, you can be racist just by not knowing you are. Fortunately, You can also change that.” ~ YK Hong @ykhong

The other leading theme online is (again) the general mistrust of men. Followed by the usual defensive, whinging cries of “not ALL men”…sadly most of the men online who would not likely attack a woman (we can’t tell you apart to be honest), would rather suck up all the air in the room and make it about, “not me! I wouldn’t do that!!!” rather than focusing on the real problem—men attacking women. The problem isn’t anything other than that.

And while we’re at it, let’s fix those headlines that say “a woman was raped”…as if it was a random, invisible attacker. No, it should say “a man raped a woman.” Let’s call it what it is.

The terrifying fact is that no matter what we do, it seems like we can’t be safe. Not walking on “safe” streets, not even with our own partners.

“Women spend their lives checking behind them when they walk down the street. Holding their keys between their fingers parking lot. Moving seats on a bus and texting a friend.

And then they get home and climb into bed with the person statistically most likely to murder them.” ~ Chels @mostlychels

And even when we report it: 

“A couple of years ago I got called for jury duty and made it through a couple of rounds of dismissals before the remaining candidates were led into a room to meet the judge and defense attorney.

It was an assault case—a drunk man had assaulted a woman friend of his outside of a nightclub.

There were 30 potential jurors in the room, 12 were women. The first question the defense attorney asked of the women in the room was this: ‘Have you ever been assaulted by a man?’

All 12 women in the room said yes—and were asked to publicly describe the abuse. Right there, in front of everyone. All 12 women were dismissed from the pool of potential jurors. Not a single woman was eligible to be on that jury—we could not be deemed ‘impartial’ because of each woman’s individual history of being abused by men.

I think about that case a lot and wonder if any of the men were asked if they had ever assaulted anyone. And more and more I see what ‘a jury of peers’ really means in this society—abusive men excusing the behavior of other abusive men.” ~ Shawna Gore

For years we’ve been trying to call attention to, and dismantle the toxic patriarchal system, and all the by-products of that: toxic masculinity, rape culture, misogyny, and so on.

It won’t matter how safe we try to keep ourselves—if we don’t fix the problem at the source.

The problem is men attacking/raping/abusing/oppressing/killing women.

Just avoiding certain locations or wearing other clothes really just means you hope he doesn’t rape you…just you. The problem isn’t what we’re wearing or doing, it’s what they are doing.

And to fix this, we need everyone to just shut up about the “not all men” nonsense. No one is saying it is all men. No one. No one is saying that men and boys aren’t also victims. But the majority of victims are women and the majority of the attackers are men—so that’s the problem we need to fix.

If you’re one of the good guys, cool, you get a gold star for being a normal, decent human being. (Thank your mother for raising you right.)

But if you’re puffing your chest up and getting ready to reply with an angry comment, ask yourself, who are you angry with? Women for trying not to get raped or killed? Or are you angry with the men who keep fucking doing these things? If you answered women, please seek help. Turn yourself into the police now and tell them you are a risk to society.

If you, hopefully, answered men, great. Now is the part where you step up and be a guiding force. Share posts on your personal feed. Talk to your friends. Stop any type of rape culture nonsense (here’s a great guide) and be hypervigilant to what men and boys are saying and doing around you.

If you’re worried about “all men” but not “all women” read this:

“And if you really want your mind blown? Ask any woman how old they were the very first time they felt objectified/sexualized by a man, or had something inappropriate said to them, or had something ‘not quite right’ happen to them. Most of us were children the first time.” ~ Kim Penn

“Not all men practice violence against women but all women live with the threat of male violence every single day. All over the Earth.” ~ Fuad Alakbarov

“Toxic masculinity, violence against women and children, racism, are all pernicious diseases prevalent in our world. Along with pandemics, we need to get rid of these vicious negativities as well. We have to make this world change for the better.” ~ Avijeet Das

And this trilogy of wisdom from Farida D.:
Dear All Men

All Men

All Men



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