September 6, 2021

Why Women Struggle to Have Orgasms (& Tips to get her there).


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The pressure to perform, look like a porn star, guilt, and shame are high on the list of why 46 percent of women struggle to have orgasms.

Women tend to think there is something wrong with them if they don’t orgasm during sex and many struggle to climax on their own, too.

They put too much pressure on reaching orgasm to please their partner and lose the enjoyment of their bodies, their pleasure, and eventually disengage from their partner. Sometimes they even fake it and wish it was over as the frustration builds.

Women feel their bodies are not good enough, which causes a lot of anxiety. It’s a big reason why women have difficulty reaching orgasm. They tend to get into their heads, worrying about things like: “Why am I taking so long? How does my body look in this position? Do I taste and smell okay? What is my partner thinking of me?” This takes away their focus on relishing in the experience of pleasure and being present with their partner.

Every woman is capable of deep orgasms; whether it’s clitoral, G-spot, or cervical. Your vulnerability and authentic self need to be present.

Women crave to surrender during sex and dissolve in ecstasy. They long to lose sense of self, judgement, and time. They yearn to feel one with the universe, but their sexual conditioning and beliefs can hold them back from surrendering and having orgasms in the way they desire.

Some reasons are sexual repression, trauma, body-shaming, sex negativity, and destructive sexual experiences. Living in a sexually violent culture, religious upbringing, and feeling like she’ll be slut-shamed if she’s open about loving sex. These experiences and beliefs get deeply embedded in her psyche.

The truth is sometimes women don’t feel safe experiencing immense pleasure and being uninhibited and wild. Even though they really want to be liberated, orgasmic women. They are afraid of being judged and rejected.

Women have received messages; whether from their peers, society, or their female ancestral line that they need to behave in certain ways to be accepted as “good girls” in society.  These messages make women feel it’s unsafe to be in their sexual power and divine nature.

There is a hunger for ecstatic pleasure; it’s our biological birthright. This bliss is a result of true intimacy, love, and meaningful connection. A woman’s body needs to be celebrated and cherished to release old toxic conditioning from our culture. Women are full of magic to be explored and worshipped on so many levels, and are not mechanical machines who can have multiple orgasms on cue.

Tips to making her orgasm:

  1. Women have been so supressed in asking for what they desire sexually. It’s important for both of you to share your desires and what you really want in your lovemaking sessions. You can start by telling her what you love about her, and that you want to feel closer to her. Create a safe space and give her permission to tell you what she really wants, whatever makes her aroused sexually, and that allows her to experience whatever she needs. It could be to scream or cry, it could be a certain position. The more information you have, the easier it will be for her to orgasm and for her to trust you.

2. Kissing is damn important. Kiss her deeply and passionately at the beginning of your lovemaking session for at least five to 10 minutes before you do anything else. This allows her to connect with you emotionally, which will help her open up and relax. Continue the kissing throughout lovemaking; she is more likely to reach orgasm if she feels your passion and presence.

3. A woman’s sexuality awakens like a slow burn and can become an inferno of sexual ecstasy. When you start touching her erotically, go super slow. What may come as a surprise is it’s best to keep the same steady, consistent rhythm than constantly changing speeds and techniques when it comes to making her orgasm.

4. Be devoted to her pleasure, focus on what she is feeling moment by moment. You will learn so much about what turns her on. Encourage her to make noise; this helps her be in the experience more and softens and relaxes her body. Sounding and moaning is a gateway to full body orgasms. It increases energy through her entire body, distributing pleasure all over, and can unlock powerful multiple orgasms.

5. Women love oral sex. It’s one of the most pleasurable and orgasmic experiences. Treat her like a goddess and make oral sex the main event. Letting her know you’re going to take at least 30 to 45 minutes going down on her. Whisper compliments in her ear, telling her what’s beautiful about her, what you love about her. Praise her body noticing her magic and wisdom and vibrancy.

If you make her feel loved safe and sexy by worshipping her body, being orgasmic will be easily achieved. It will melt away her inhibitions of being self-conscious about her body and rewire her brain to think differently about expressing herself sexually, so she will be more liberated and free in the bedroom.


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