Many of you reading this are writers, or at least interested enough in writing to be avid readers.
Writing is a practice. When I sit down to write I need space, in all the meanings of the word.
I create mental space by doing dishes, making my bed or fan-favorite throwing out old food in my refrigerator.
At the end of my domestic goddess merry-making I have created an internal narrative about my writing.
It helps that I feel superior to my mom who loathed housework.
Notice, no one gave me permission. No one gave me a deadline. I created the space myself. I cleaned and sorted my way into what we would call a narrative boundary.
Time slowed down and my creativity flourished. This is important if you’re interested in flourishing your own healing, as time is either a too long or too short walk towards death, or worse, the Big E, Entropy.
When I have conflict in my relationships, first, I calm myself down by recognizing I’m engaged in a conflict. I give myself space. This is in itself a boundary.
I allow any triggers or emotions to run through me. If I am especially triggered I move into Saturn-Writing mode. I allow time for myself to process my emotions. This is Sacral chakra work.
For example, recently my client Kirsten (definitely not her real name, definitely could be me) went through a big spiritual upshift.
At the same time, her friend Rihanna (definitely real) pulled away emotionally. As Kirsten’s awareness developed, her boundaries developed too.
Her friend, Rihanna, no longer wanted to share intimacy, pushed back when Kirsten communicated her boundaries around ‘Being Told How It Is’ and was skeptical or bored with the things Kirsten now found fascinating.
How do we navigate changing relationships aka friend break-ups?
If you are a sensitive person like Kirsten, you may want to fix your friend/partner. Certainly you may feel loss, grief, anxiety and deep abandonment wounds. Any break-up is a death.
In relationships, slowing down allows space and love for oneself and the other. Space allows for the vibration of harmony.
In astrology the angles of our charts create what we call aspects. These angles also create a vibration or harmony.
This resonance within ourselves is shown over time or when we have big upshifts and breakthroughs. Our vibration and harmony create the beauty of our boundaries.
We only really control ourselves. People are either in harmony or not.
Often there are subterranean wounds at play during conflicts. Slowing down allows us to heal and release old wounds.
Have the conversations, when we let go of what pains us in relationships, we make room for the new.
- Saturn has to do with boundaries, Aquarius Write down the pros and cons of acting immediately or giving space to a changing relationship.
- Write down all the ways you want to be seen and heard in this particular relationship.
- Strategize. Write down your strategies for resolution.
- Think about a way you can change a routine that supports your personal transformation. Make a note of it. Our lives are changed by the habits we create.
- Write down a new routine for supporting your personal transformation with other people. This can be as simple as creating a mantra that supports you upholding your boundaries or bolsters your self-esteem. Stick that mantra on your refrigerator.
- If the idea of enforcing your boundaries or creating transformation in your personal relationships scares you (which it might for many of you, if you are sensitive or empathic or learned to be silent as a child) write down ways in which your body allows you to connect to yourself and others on an energetic level.
- While standing, pull in all your muscles, tendons and fascia (connective tissue) from your toes to the skull. Create massive tension the length of your back body, legs, arms, core, shoulders, hands, neck, all the way up to the tissue holding up your skull. Then release. Take a moment and say to yourself, “I release whatever is no longer supporting my greatest destiny.” Repeat, in the morning and/or before physical exercise.
- Personal boundaries develop as your awareness develops. Write down what your boundaries are. What are the ways through your body language and words are the most effective way to communicate them to the world?
- What are ways that you are always letting go in order to bring new things in? Can you think of instances where you changed groups of friends? Changed romantic partners? Let go of one friend, then three months later a new friend came in their stead?
- Changing relationships is a healthy thing, as we change and grow. Can you see a continuum in the people that you become friends with? I’ve moved countries, and as I left and began new relationships I’ve noticed friends bringing similar things, yet with variations and added aspects. In a continuum we never really lose people. Can you see the wounds you are releasing as you enforce your boundaries? Even if that means letting people go.
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