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For me, sensuality is more of a mindset than a “sexual style.”
Paying attention to our senses requires being in the present moment. Often, we can get caught up thinking about what is to come (the future) or what has already happened (the past). But I’ve found that when I’m living my life in the present time, I am connecting to my senses and taking in what’s around me at that very moment. I don’t think or wish it looked different. I see that place as it is and I feel this is the most effective way to enjoy life on a daily basis.
My favorite texture to feel is my long hair draping down my back. It makes me marvel at being human and how we can bring ourselves joy through simple things, such as touch. I also love freshly washed sheets and being wrapped tight (snug as a bug in a rug). I feel safe and loved.
My daughter has taught me to trust touch and connection with others. Thanks to being a mum, I am learning to lean into touch more. I am also learning that human touch is safe—even after experiencing physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
Touch is of central importance because it influences brain development, provides a feeling for one’s own body, and serves as a stress regulator.
When a trauma victim is in a state of pain and they’re unable to regulate their emotions, touch can help provide them with the relief they might struggle to comprehend through verbal support.
However, more often than not, rough touching can produce a countereffect. So, it’s important to receive gentle physical interaction to help soothe emotional tension. It is also important to receive gentle touch somewhere where that feels safe.
As humans, we long to feel held and receive the intimacy that human touch provides. Touch and trauma have a powerful link because those who have experienced trauma are often too alert to permit anyone from coming too physically close when, in reality, our subconscious wants to feel that closeness.
When we are born, we experience sensuality—long before sexuality becomes a part of our world. For example, the mother feeling her baby’s heartbeat or a child smelling their parents to identify them. Sexuality is then enhanced by sensuality’s gift and stays long after we may no longer have the physical intimacy with others.
I lost my sensuality for many years, and it wasn’t until I started feeling the world around me that I started to ease out of my darkness. I was no longer controlled by my anxiety and depression. I rediscovered sensuality in order to be connected to the outside world, as well as my world within.
I had to pay attention to my senses. I used to walk in the forest, but not be in the forest. When I started to become aware of my senses by feeling the breeze, listening to the leaves rustling, smelling the earth, and seeing the changing colours of the landscapes, it changed me significantly and helped me heal from trauma, overwhelm, depression, and anxiety.
Rediscovering my sensuality by connecting to my senses helped me to see that I was not my emotions and they were just a part of my human experience.