October 22, 2021

How a Pattern of Emotional Disconnection leads to Unrequited Love.

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Unrequited Love is in Truth Seeking Disconnection.

“But how could he not ever love me? He may not today, but he will eventually. The connection I feel toward him is too powerful to be wrong!”

“I know sometimes she seems distant and unavailable. But she’s preoccupied with work and some family issues that have been pulling her away. It’s how our life is and I’m okay with it.”

Many of us have stories of at least one experience of unrequited love in our lives. I believe it’s part of growing and learning our ways through intense emotions and finding a balance between what we think we need/want and what is a healthy choice for our lives. Sometimes it takes years or a lifetime to learn that balance. Many times it’s our wounded heart that has unbalanced the scales of need versus want.

As eternal souls, we have chosen to temporarily exist in human form for the experience of diving deep into the sea of human emotions. We came here to explore connection in many complicated and diverse ways.

Through unrequited love we are subconsciously seeking the exploration of disconnection. It’s a painful and lonely journey.

Of course, consciously, we would never agree to jump headlong into any relationship where our time, investment, and love would never be returned or even acknowledged. But many of us do (ask any victim of a narcissistic relationship).

Connection is all about boundaries. And if we have never experienced healthy connections with another human being, we will most likely have undefined boundaries and feel like a sailboat bobbing on the sea of dreams, waiting and wishing for the right wind to blow us into our port of security.

That pattern will keep showing up in every relationship until we realize we must take hold of the rudder and learn for ourselves how to stir our vessel toward the destination and fulfillment of our soul. No one can do that for us.

If we’ve only known disconnection, then whatever boundaries we did have were lines drawn in the sand, easily blurred and crossed by the object of our desire. Thinking the strong pull toward that person is destiny, we find in reality it’s the familiar pattern of emotional disconnection that is drawing us in.

Emotional disconnection has become the landscape of our lives. We become reconciled to abandonment and emotionally unavailable people—the barren trees of relationships that line our pathways.

We learn to navigate through the silent emotional storms that twist and turn in that dynamic. We find a warped form of peace that calms and hopefully removes any surprises down the road. What is now familiar has become its own form of security.

Predictability becomes a friend.

To be truly connected to another means vulnerability and the great risk of revealing all our cards on the table and the dreaded heartbreak of rejection.

“What a trick! Why wouldn’t God step in and save me from me?” But remember, we came here to learn, explore, and then teach others.

In order to have boundaries in our lives, we need to understand what we are protecting.

Once we connect back to our hearts and soul, we slowly start to find our own sovereignty and value. Part of that value is understanding what is toxic to our heart, soul, and spirit, depleting us of energy and health.

Finally, with eyes and hearts open, we see in those past or current relationships where disconnection is prevalent, and the feelings we thought were beneficial, were/are actually separating us from our own truth.

We realize that instead of having lost someone in our lives, we never really experienced them at all, and we’re ready to close the door on what was never meant to serve our highest good. That closure opens the door for the person or persons who have always been meant to be in our lives to come in.

When we understand and acknowledge our own value, we are ready for a connection where there is balance, harmony, and the exchange of give-and-take that serves us both. A connection that actually protects and preserves the love, peace, and harmony within that relationship. Nothing is allowed to come in that would harm, destroy, or tear down what now lives in that connection—whether it’s a relationship with ourselves or with another.

Connection and boundaries go hand in hand. They both stand on the foundation of the one who understands what brings him life and what brings him death.

Boundaries are about knowing who we are, what is important to us, and what we need, not just to survive—but to thrive.

Boundaries are protection and taking responsibility for the gifts that lie within us, who we are, and what we have to share with the world.

Boundaries are not about keeping people out—but how to be connected with people without losing our own vision, sovereignty, and value.


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