November 8, 2021

6 Mindful Questions to ask Ourselves when Love & Relationships End.


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Someone recently told me that it’s okay to let go of someone even if it didn’t end well or in a peaceful or perfect, amicable state.

I felt that.

I wish there was a way we could create a happily ever after and resolve our differences in mutual loving ways. It can be a beautiful thing when two souls come together, whether it be a temporary friendship or love. Yet, the way it ends speaks volumes, and when someone we love walks out of our lives, puts up a wall, or bulldozes us, it can tear the heart of sensitive souls like myself.

It hurts when we love someone and they leave our life. 

My head tends to go into a tailspin and seeks understanding, wanting to know why, and attempting to see the bigger picture in my own soul story. I’m guilty of hanging on too long, too. Sometimes clarity helps; other times the veil of uncertainty grows and I question always why humans can’t make peace amongst one another.

In my own fantasy utopian mindset, I wonder why we can’t heal the walls and baggage of karma and work through things together. I’ve learned that to become real within ourselves and be able to honestly express and communicate well is something we are all working on. The underlying fears of rejection, abandonment, and more often take control. Even when it’s necessary to go our own way, at least it could be done in mutually respectful manners and in a celebratory way that honors on another.

Although I’ve been ghosted, dumped, and have clung to unhealthy attachments with others, I’ve learned it hurts the most when love leaves in angry, hostile, and discontented ways. I recently had a man change our love story with criticism and he condemned me after we both agreed to be done. I hold no judgment, although it’s been unpleasant to deal with, and I know there is pain; yet it shocks me how heartbreak can cause such heartache and the defensive walls of anger that may catalyze another to act so different and react in unloving ways.

I’ve realized when relationships end it may not be about creating closure with another; it’s more about closure for the self. I think talking through things and having an intimate conversation is worthwhile to release any stored resentment or pain. 

Any breakup or ending of relationship can be seen as an opportunity to grow and integrate whatever that relationship taught us. It’s an opportunity to evolve out of our old patterns and behaviors and make peace within ourselves. Even if another is unable to converse and leave in transparent ways, we all can heal from the emotional pain and realize how we can live more balanced, choose better, and hold integrity within ourselves.

No one said the path or journey to loving fully and becoming openhearted would be easy; I’ve learned it requires us all to heal our emotional baggage, bring awareness to our suppressed shame, start to witness our mental programs, and soften into the depth of our soul while balancing our masculine and feminine energies.

To love unconditionally is like a fable in a fairy tale; we all want it, yet may dream of being able to embody it. Yet the practice can help us all create radical acceptance within ourselves, for our journey, for anyone who crosses our path, and for every great love, even the ones who may need to break us so we can feel the underlying pain and evolve beyond our conditioned mind or defensive and stubborn ego self.

I believe it’s possible to make amends and love one another. Yet, karma is at play and our free will determines how we treat one another. It’s often easier to put up a wall, get all analytical about what the other did wrong, point fingers, and fail to take responsibility in ourselves. I know heartache is never easy and the real-life fact that we can’t hold onto everyone forever can crush our fantasy of love and whatever we were taught to believe. Yet, I believe people are worthy of love and ending love chapters with humility, ease, and grace is imperative for our well-being and future relationships.

Unless we learn to deal with our wounds and adopt a higher mindset, we all may continue to belittle one another and argue rather than unify and develop inner peace and love within oneself.

Our human reality is something we can try to analyze and make sense of; yet often it’s impossible to fully comprehend the why behind what happens. I know we all meet certain soul mates and soul connections in life. Part of the contract is to work through things, lean in, and learn to love better. It may require challenge, pain, and more to come up to the surface to work through. Yet, people have a choice in whether they can flex their mind and perspective, listen to one another, and co-create a harmonious union or overcome wounds and mutually love and let go mindfully.

I’m learning to let go and free myself of old burdens and be at peace when relationships end and people move on and out of my life. I’ve finally accepted that taking care of ourselves, clearing our karma, and doing the best we can to make the right choices for ourselves may not always be what others want for us. When relationship dynamics change, it can be an emotional storm and battle amongst others or create sad hearts. 

I know heartbreak and life can cause all sorts of emotions and fears to surface. Whether we breathe into our pain, allow the energy to flow, or choose to be defensive and disconnected from our true soulful self, we all grieve in different ways. 

Just because the person may no longer be in our life any longer, they often leave a beautiful gift if we let ourselves see it that way. To dispel our inner hatred and fully heal our heart, it’s necessary to make amends, be at peace, and lovingly nurture ourselves. It may take time to let go fully, for the bonds of love, I believe, may never fully be released. Appreciate anyone who once helped you see a better and new you, and offered the chance to love in new ways.

Perhaps the most enlightening and liberating belief we can all cultivate is to know that if we truly love someone, we must set them free. If they come back, perhaps, it’s meant to be. If not, perhaps their soul chose another journey in this lifetime.

May we all take it less personally, and shift our perspective to witness the bigger story that may need to play out, including the pain we may need to heal within ourselves, to love better and become self-loving individuals who can live wholeheartedly in healthy, mature mindsets and ways. May we be grateful for the growth and ability to now use our hearts, wills, and mindsets to live better and become the kind of love and person we want to attract or have in our lives forever.

When love and relationships end, these are mindful questions to reflect on, so you no longer need to carry the wounds of the old and can use the relationship to transform yourself and learn what you need to do to love better, and become more sovereign and free.

>> What did I learn in this relationship and what was its purpose to teach me? What about the other person’s perspective and growth?

>> How have I grown and who was I when it started and who am I now?

>> What attachments have I evolved out of and what are my true needs now and in relationship?

>> How can I change to become more aligned within myself for what I truly seek in partnership or relationship?

>> What mistakes may I have made during this relationship that I can now forgive myself for?

>> What did the person mirror back to me as unconscious patterns in myself that I can now release and give up for better future relationships that mirror my value and self-worth?


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