November 24, 2021

Holy Sh*t. He’s Really just Not that into Me. 


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I remember having the biggest crush on Mr. blue eyes and dark hair from the coffee shop down the street from my office.

I would see him every morning at exactly 6:15 a.m. He ordered a large black coffee with two sugars. I stood behind him every day. I knew things.

Oh did I want that man. I was crushing hard. I didn’t know him at all, but I wanted to.

I just knew we were going to fall in love one day. I mean, why wouldn’t we? He had that special something that attracted me to him instantly. And I was adorable, successful, hard-working, smart, kind, fun, devoted, and the list goes on.

I would wake up extra early to doll myself up just so he would notice me.

I would get anxious if my train was running late because I might miss him. I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good outfit not to be seen by him.

I wanted him in the worst way.

I wanted him so bad that I could actually see what our life would look like together.

In my head, I even created the story of how we were going to meet. He would be waiting for me outside the coffee shop when I arrived. He would tell me he had been into me for some time but was terrified to talk to me. He would ask for my name and number. He would tell me he was planning to ask me out the upcoming weekend. By the time I had reached my office, he would have already texted me.

I had our entire future mapped out. I needed that man.

So I waited. And waited. And waited a little bit longer. Then I waited a lot longer.

He was all I wanted. Why wouldn’t he look my way? Why didn’t he feel the attraction that I felt?

He must be one of the shy ones. No problem. I just needed to put some work into this.

I tried everything to get him to notice me. I got to the coffee shop early so I would be ahead of him in line. He never even looked my way.

I got there late so we could bump into each other at the door. No luck. He looked straight through me.

I staged a key-dropping incident to get him to pick them up for me. A worker ran over and handed them back to me. He didn’t even glance my way.

I had to let him know how I felt because if he didn’t know, I might miss my opportunity to be with him. Waiting for him to make his move was wearing me down. I was going to make a move since he wouldn’t.

So I poured myself into a plan to somehow talk to him.

Playing it cool wasn’t working. So I was going to let him know I was interested with my eyes. So I made eye contact every day. But I didn’t say a word.

I got his attention. He knew I was looking. He started looking too. But still, no moves on his part.

Next was the smile. I smiled every chance he looked my way. Just an adorable hello smile.

He caught on pretty quick. He started to smile back. Still, no moves on his end.

Next was my voice. I said hello every chance I could. He followed suit. Hellos, goodbyes, good morning, and have a good day. We were moving along. But still, he wasn’t taking it any further.

I was leading the way. He was following along.

And then, one day, I just told him. “I’m totally into you.” Now he knew. I was making this too easy for him. Now he could officially make his move.

He eventually asked me out. We went on a few dates. But something was missing. I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally into it. But it felt off.

Then it hit me. Holy sh*t, he’s really just isn’t that into me.

He wasn’t falling for me as I had expected. I was doing all the work. He hardly communicated. I was setting up the dates. I was rearranging my schedule to find time to see him. Me, me, me. He did nothing.

I was so into him that I ignored all the signs.

It didn’t matter how much makeup I applied, what cute outfits I wore, or how neat my hair was. He just wasn’t into me.

So I just stopped reaching out. I would still see him at the coffee shop. I slowly stopped saying hello. The smiles disappeared. And one day, I just stopped looking at him altogether.

I wasted a lot of time on someone who just wasn’t into me. I am all for going after what I want, but there needs to be some sort of line as to when to stop. And realizing he’s just not that into me was a clear sign to stop.

Here is how to know if he’s just not that into you:

1. If he doesn’t look your way, he’s just not that into you.

2. If he’s not trying to date you, he’s just not that into you.

3. If he takes a long time to reply to your texts, he’s just not that into you.

4. If you’re the only one putting in the effort, he’s just not that into you.

5. If he never asks personal questions, he’s just not that into you.

6. If he doesn’t try to impress you, he’s just not that into you.

7. If he constantly cancels, he’s just not that into you.

8. If he doesn’t open up to you, he’s just not that into you.

9. If you never meet his friends, he’s just not that into you.

10. If he never brings the relationship to the next level, he’s just not that into you.

11. If you feel like he is not into you, he’s just not that into you.

Just because we feel an attraction for someone, it doesn’t always mean they will feel it back.

Mr. blue eyes and dark hair just wasn’t into me. And as much as that bothered me, I had to admit it to myself. I should have realized it sooner than I had. And that is where this is all on me. He did nothing wrong; it was my fault for not getting it.

We need to recognize when they’re just not that into us so we can walk the f*ck away.

We are too amazing to waste it on someone who doesn’t see us for all that we are.

Don’t waste your time on the guy who’s just not that into you. There are so many others out there who are.


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