A long time ago I was married, something I very rarely talk about, to be honest, I hid it away in a suitcase in a storage cupboard in my mind, hoping it would just disappear….
As a side note, this does not happen on any given day.
I thought the marriage would last forever; that’s the point, hey.
The first few years were wonderful, but then everything started to go downhill.
I was in a relationship where I felt so small and insignificant, to the point where I literally would not talk; I was a shy little mouse that bowed to every beck and call.
Emotional exhaustion robbed me of whatever sense of self-worth I had.
I was numb, until
One day I erupted like a volcano; I could not cope anymore…
10 years I had put myself through this torturous relationship.
My heart broke with the decision I was about to make; I knew I would lose everything, my relationship, house, business, my entire life crumbled at my feet…
But I knew it was a choice that had to be made.
The pain continued, I lost it all, I was left in mountains of debt, whilst he fled, after struggling for a year, I had to declare myself bankrupt.
Could life get any more challenging?
I had to start my life all over again, and it was possibly the most painful thing I have ever had to do…
The suffering in my life was excruciating; I was suicidal at times and saw no positive elements to my existence.
I didn’t let anyone see I was hurting. I put on a front; I hid my feelings from the world.
Everyone thought I was ok, but I was breaking internally.
I still hold many of these scars, which I am healing and nurturing each day.
Meet Michelle, the girl who just wanted to be loved.
The next few years, I tried to figure out who I was…
I changed the way I looked more times than I have had hot dinners. I went down the road of partying 24/7, the list continues…
I went down some very dark pathways. I feel like I have lived a million lifetimes within this cycle.
I will share all of this in my future book – Returning Home To Your Truth. Watch this space.
Now I see all I wanted was to fit in, be loved, stand out, be accepted, cherished, and needed.
I just wanted to be fricken, seen and be heard.
When one phase didn’t give me the validation I was seeking, I turned to another.
It got me nowhere; it took me over 10 years to figure it out.
Everything I ever needed lies within me, it’s been there all along.
Michelle still appears crying out for love from time to time; she often feels lonely, lost and scared.
I speak to her softly, giving her the love she so longs for; I tell her she is doing amazing and how proud I am of her.
The beautiful, fragile little girl she once was now is a strong warrior.
It’s ok for her to feel these emotions; it’s ok to hurt; only this way will she heal.
“Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you frickenweep a lot.”
It’s time to get that suitcase out of your secret cupboard in your mind and clear out the past with forgiveness and love.
It’s made you the person you are today.
I have a few more suitcases I’m working through a day at a time.
Make peace with the past and rewrite your story.
Be the fricken hero you are.
Michelle and Mimi. (One and the same) ❤️