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December 27, 2021

Vacant hours

Off late I have been looking back at some of the days gone by, I do get lost in self reflection from time to tim

e. It allows me to be grateful for everything I have and find a way to accept few losses.

Self reflection has become an integral part of my day these days.

But one particular phase I keep thinking of is my months spent as a unemployed person, for a brief period in 2020 and again for sometime this year.

Not getting into the nitty gritty of the story, this isn’t to relive a bad phase but rather appreciating the lessons learnt.

2 pm to 6 pm would be the hardest for me, mornings were spent in doing some chores , catching up with my mother , seeing off my husband to office and supervising the house help.

AM seem to pass by pretty fast,it’s the long afternoons where I would feel absolutely at a loss.

This isn’t to point fingers at anyone or demean anyone. Being a homemaker is not at all a joke, it’s just I was always used to being busy and filling my days with productivity outside home.

I know many women I admire who are such positive homemakers and I did get alot of motivation from them. They were there to give me inspiration in those dark times and I am very grateful for that.

However much I tried I couldn’t get past those few hours without feeling down, I remember I would watch motivational videos, catch up on some writing, some research on jobs and practice and give innumerable interviews. For me time stood still for those hours.

I would tell myself just few more days, just few more days.

Days became months.

Looking back I feel what helped me to get up and not sit in a corner and weep was, surrendering.

I had absolutely surrendered to my fate and God. I knew for a fact that if my back is against the wall with no way out. I will one day be able to move forward.

So the time between 2-6 pm was my test of the day everyday, would I survive it and reach dinner time in peace, would I be absolutely fine and catch up with my husband , would I get up and go for my walk each day.

Each day  I battled these vacant hours and each day I got through.

Now whenever I feel I can’t survive something I draw strength from those same hours that took so much of my confidence but have now given me so much wisdom.

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