The difference between men and women can be a loaded conversation. The differences between feminine and masculine energy can be even more layered. Anyone of any gender (or nonbinary people) can have more masculine energy or more feminine energy. The truth is, we all have both – it’s all a matter of which energy is our most dominant and how that plays a role in our relationships.
We love the phrase from Allison Armstrong’s book The Queens’ Code on how men and women operate: “Men are not hairy women.” When we recognise that men and women speak different languages – neither is better than the other, just different – and learn to communicate, we will drastically improve our relationships, romantic and otherwise.
In the past, I’ve for sure been more masculine. I grew up seeing aspects of my mum as weak and that my dad had a “superior” role, mainly as he was the main income earner. I saw the act of earning income as giving you choice, and it does. I strove to be fiercely independent – I would “need” no one.
I desired to be gentle, strong and feminine, but always felt frumpy and like I had to be overly pragmatic. I was clueless about how this overemphasis on the masculine was putting up barriers around me. The men I’d attract and be attracted to were men who were more feminine in energy, to balance that polarity. The irony was the area I was overcompensating in was due to a fear of insecurity. Instead of addressing that vulnerability and asking for help, I tried to keep it hidden to feel safe. I isolated myself and made things harder for myself, reinforcing the false belief of “I need no one.” Also, in having no “needs” of my man, I would unknowingly emasculate my partners, and force the polarity further from the feminine strength I was craving to embody.
It’s only when I began to crack open my vulnerability that I started to allow and embody gentle, strong feminine energy and attracted a partner I could surrender with, who has my back in all the best ways. There is a deliciousness to our interaction, and we remain polarised and attracted to each other.
I wish I had known what I know sooner. I could have shifted things in older relationships more easily and things could have been easier and more pleasurable.
Masculine energy tends to be more of a strong physical presence, centeredness, structured, a feeling of purpose and strength. The feminine essence is primarily moved by emotions, which can be wandering, circular, cyclical and non-linear. The feminine force is about unwavering, steadfast, fierce love. The masculine tends to be focused on one task at a time, an avid problem solver. The feminine is often abstract, multitasking, an uninterrupted flow of creativity. It’s the often wild, sometimes crazy energy we hear women have.
For a man to be open to feminine energy, he needs to feel loved, appreciated, and that he can be empty and let go. For a woman to feel open to masculine energy, she needs to feel safe and heard. So how can we use this knowledge to create a better connection in our partnerships? Often, we hear women say they are the “man” in the relationship, and if that’s the case, is that where they want to be? There is no right or wrong answer to this. We can use our Pleasure Meter to gauge what is best for us. Keep in mind that nobody in the relationship is misbehaving – everyone is doing their best.
That said, there are some key areas that can bring up conflict and disconnections when we relate to our partners. Remember knowledge is power, and the more we know our own and our partner’s tendencies, the more we will have the ability to make any helpful shifts in the moment. When we’re present and bring our best self to this conversation, the better our relationship will be with ourselves and our partners.
Law of attraction sees a polarity between masculine and feminine energies. This creates the strong attraction and passion we feel in a relationship. De-polarization, loss of attraction or feeling oppressed in a relationship occurs when partners no longer have the play of energies between them. Either because a woman is questioning her partner’s direction, strength and presence, or because her partner is being critical and making her feel unloved or unsafe.
In one of my significant 5-year relationships, I remember I went in with the desire to be less masculine and wanting to dive more into my femininity and heart. I remember telling my partner, “I don’t want to be in control like I’ve been, I want to allow, and be with you. Being in control is exhausting.” My partner had previously had a relationship where the woman was controlling, so it was a perfect scenario to test things out. That was one of the most passionate relationships of my life because I let go of the need to control, be perfect, and be in charge – that polarity lit up our energy and connection.
Of course, the relationship was far from perfect, nor was the journey out of my patterns smooth because I had to learn that process of letting go, but it taught me so much about being my true self and present for my partner while connecting to my heart.
Lady Queens, the balance and exchange between the feminine and masculine is a delicate dance – both with a partner and within yourself. As always, keep checking in with your Pussy wisdoms and your Pleasure Meter to keep yourself on your Queenly path!
Keep claiming, embodying, and living in a pleasurable relationship – with your partner and with yourself!
Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.
Love, Teany and Savannah