This post is Grassroots, meaning a reader posted it directly. If you see an issue with it, contact an editor.
If you’d like to post a Grassroots post, click here!

December 27, 2021

What’s your baseline?

Lady Queens, all relationships (more than just romantic ones) are reflections of ourselves on all levels. When we take the time to truly shine a mirror on our relationships, we connect to and attract the people who show us who we truly are and hopefully inspire us toward what we can truly be and vice-versa.

For the purpose of this article, based on our own personal life experiences, our example is based on a heterosexual relationship, but substitute what is right for you.


Disclaimer: At no time do either Teany or I endorse or encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. 


To understand how we relate to the more feminine aspect of ourselves when it comes to our partners, we need to acknowledge that the masculine fundamental way of being and communicating is very different to the feminine.

Nothing better or worse – just different.

Historically and culturally, we have been trained to see men as intimidating and more powerful beings. In reality, it is we, the women, who are the guides in the shape of any relationship, even when we feel that we have no power.  This is even mentioned in the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding: “The man is the head [of the household], but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

Having the power in a relationship and knowing how to use it are two very different things. As women, we do have the power in this relationship. The question then becomes are we using our power wisely?

Some relationships are worth working on and others are worth walking away from … both take courage. For now, let’s focus on working on the relationship.

Working on a relationship, we need to know what we would like and how to share that in an honouring way with our partner.

We as Queenly women are loving, nurturing, passionate beings who have had and will always have more courage than we realise. We are way more powerful than we realise because of our innate ability to connect and intuitively to see the unseen.

To know ourselves and act from our wisdom is an amazing ability and our greatest responsibility when it comes to relationships.

Men, unlike what we’ve been trained to believe, are mostly strong, kind and ultimately very gentle creatures. Having this new perspective on men and learning how they communicate now allows us to honour the “Gentle-man-ness” in them and to be heard by them as we learn their language. Because, yes, they do speak their own language. Once we learn their language, we are able to come from a powerful place of true understanding. The language men speak is outlined in detail in the book The Queen’s Code by Allison Armstrong. Another good one to read is the old classic, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

Lady Queens, by this stage we are all probably having some ideas about what is working and what needs working on in our relationships, simply because we are focused on that subject.

Here are some great questions to ask ourselves to help us tune in to what we desire in a relationship:

    • What is important for you?
    • What needs to die in order for your relationship to be reborn?
    • What needs to be born into your relationship for it to live?

The answers to these questions will give us an idea of our baseline in our relationships.

So, what does all this mean on a practical level? Well, just for fun, here’s an old adage of how to keep a man happy. Take this with a grain of salt, Lady Queens.


To quote a man, “We go a bit crazy if we don’t get milked occasionally.” What this means, in reality, is that the needs for our partners might be much simpler than we think, and much easier to satisfy than we imagined. To truly be in alignment, we can share what we’ve learned about where we stand with our partners and ask how full their pleasure meters are with regard to our relationships. This is an action, so let’s take it and have the courage to find out. From here, we can start supporting each other’s needs and building a relationship of trust, love and true satisfaction.

Keep claiming, embodying, and living in a pleasurable relationship.

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.

Love, Savannah and Teany

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Savannah Alalia  |  Contribution: 4,695