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Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is the reality (and I’ll explain why).
Hope this truth shot doesn’t make you romance repellent. Read at your own risk!
Coming back to the point, there’s no such thing as unconditional love. Conditions always apply.
By conditions, I don’t mean things like: you’ll only be with a man who has blonde hair and eight-pack abs, or who drives a Porsche and eats caviar for lunch every day (not that I’ll judge you for it). In fact, even our most basic needs and expectations from our partners qualify as “conditions.”
I mean, think about it: would you stay with someone who cheats on you, insults you, or lies to you?
There’s nothing wrong with setting certain boundaries, rules, and terms in a relationship—as long as we can justify them. We shouldn’t seek validation from others, or allow anyone to tell us otherwise.
I’m a big-time believer of the philosophy that before we enter a relationship with another human being, we should fix the one we have with ourselves. The following conditions that I have set for my own relationship are all dependent on this philosophy. I have also seen it work for numerous others.
Here are my 10 commandments before saying yes to a relationship:
1. You should be financially independent.
Being dependent on your partner for fulfilling the basic necessities of life is a big, red flag. Learn to sustain yourself before bringing someone into your life. Besides, this often costs you your self-respect, freedom, and eventually, the relationship itself.
2. You should enjoy being away from your partner.
Sure, you love those cuddling sessions, and the romantic movie nights. But don’t become so clingy and needy that you can’t survive a day on your own. Sometimes, absence is required to enjoy the sweet benefits of presence in a more intense way. And, you should absolutely learn to be an emotionally independent person who enjoys their own company.
3. It shouldn’t affect your existing relationships.
Do you find your partner always having something negative to say about your family, which makes you stay away from them? Do they think your friends are too loud, and does that compel you to behave differently with your friends? These things are usually big, fat red flags.
4. You should feel comfortable to cry in front of your partner.
Since the time we have started dating (in my case, aged 16), we have adapted to these weird rules and codes to follow, like: don’t send the first message, wait for him to ask you out again, or don’t share too much until the 103rd date.
Speaking from experience, these are just stupid and useless. When you find the right person, you’ll immediately want them to become a part of your life, your heart, and your soul. No amount of game playing will make sense, and you’ll feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of them, because you will know that this person will never use this against you.
5. You should always be able to find something to talk about.
Running out of things to talk about is not a sign of a healthy, happy, or fulfilling relationship. In fact, when you are with the right person, you wouldn’t want to shut up!
6. You should enjoy trying out each other’s favorite things.
It’s okay if you spend your weekends binge-watching Netflix and your partner likes to dance his legs off in the local nightclub. It’s okay if your idea of a romantic and relaxing vacation doesn’t include bungee jumping or trekking and your partner’s does. As long as you are both flexible enough to accompany the other and try out each other’s favorites, you will be fine.
7. It should not be a problem to have separate groups of friends.
And friendships with the opposite sex shouldn’t create problems either.
8. You don’t find “jealousy” cute, and you actually trust each other.
Once upon a time, jealousy and possessiveness were considered to be positive traits. Apparently, it proved that the person cared enough to be jealous.
When you’re in a mature relationship in the 21st century, you’ll not only find this outdated, but downright irritating. Not having enough trust in each other is a deal-breaker.
9. You shouldn’t feel guilty about your professional success (and/or their failures).
Again, once upon a time we used to live by rules like: one of the partners should always earn more than the other and be more successful, while the other should meekly follow behind.
If your partner makes you feel guilty about working hard and prioritizing your career at times, always complains about the late nights, and never shows appreciation for your success, it’s time you find a new one.
10. You should be able to be yourself around them.
Which means you don’t have to filter your feelings, thoughts, and actions around them. You don’t have to live with the fear of judgment, or tiptoe around them. You should not be afraid to let them in, and be able to disclose your crazy, messy, imperfect self.
So, did you find them yet? Care to add to this list? Can’t wait to hear from you in the comments!