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January 2, 2022


“Why, why don’t you want to listen to what I have to share?” I asked her.

“No, I don’t want to, just please stop!”

This conversation is a constant dream I have for many years now, I always dream of asking people who have shown me unkindness as to why did they do that, what joy did they get and do they realise how it has impacted my life?

But we don’t ever get answers for any wrongdoings do we?

My guess is , absolutely not.

I often resort to these fantasy dreams where I am back in a certain age and I am handling the situation so well, almost like a professional.

Sometimes I dream of this market my family and I would go to often, humble and approachable shops that fit our budget when I was about 5 years old. In that dream I  always scouting for a unique bright pink dress to wear for my birthday, but I am getting overshadowed by others around me. In real life I often gave into what anyone told me to do but here in my fantasy I stand up for what I want, like any 5 year old I put my foot down and I would throw a tantrum. I would ask ,” But why can’t I have this?”

Some other dreams of mine also often come up about the age where I began overeating. In this dream am 16 years old and I am sitting and stuffing my face with food like alot , and instead of being shy and sorry I demand attention, I say, “I want some time to talk”.

Another of my favourite scenarios to redo in life is when as a adult with a life of my own I seek answers from anyone and everyone, trying to piece together things that don’t align. In this dream I am all full of questions and confessions.

Whenever I have these dreams I often wake up and feel like what is the point. You can’t go digging into circumstances that have long gone. You can’t sit down and have discussions that are a one way street.

You can’t go back.

In this moment I always sit back and take a deep breath. Look around and see where I am, not just physically but also emotionally.

See my growth and see my strength.

Isn’t all this answer enough?

Isn’t standing up for myself good enough?

Isn’t being surrounded by genuine people who give me time without asking good enough?

Isn’t accepting yesterday and not allowing it to seep into tomorrow good enough?


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