January 11, 2022

Dissolving our Layers of Shame: We are not who we Think we Are. {Adult}

Today, I share this because my heart is a little tender.

My daughter sat crying in her bed last night, telling me children were making fun of her because she played a game differently (how we played it at home) and that was considered wrong at school.

She was also recently made fun of for having an outie belly button. It took me a whole week to get her to say the words, “I am beautiful,” “My belly button is beautiful.” Now, I have her say these words every day so she can remember that she is beautiful. It’s scary that at age eight she is already being told that she is not beautiful enough—and the shame is affecting her.

Michelle Asana and Keaton (who took the photo at the top of this piece) helped me to remember that I am not my shame or the judgments of others and the world.

I am not here to please the world or others. I am not here to live and be defined by the world or others. My body is part of life and I do not need to be limited by it or others’ thoughts of it.

The ways that others choose to define me are not about me—they are simply perspectives taught to them and delivered in judgments to me so those people can avoid their own suffering or pain. I am not their pain. I am a reflection of their healing needing to be done.

I am allowed to be different without the need to feel ashamed of what society calls flaws—and what I call me. I am allowed to be multifaceted. We are different and no one is competing against each other. We are all just humans who are beautiful in our unique differences.

I may not be beautiful, worthy, and perfect for everyone. But I am still worthy and can still choose to be here for me and those who see me.

Who are we?

We are not our names, bodies, lovers, art, bank accounts, past, or whoever we think we are.

When we dissolve the layers of shame, judgment, and identity the world has crafted for us and we become embodied in the present, we feel the anchor in neutrality. It is a simple state of being like the tree yonder, the mountain, the river, or any form of nature.

We, as humans, are special in that we can nurse and play with time. We can create a story of pain and/or pleasure. However, the key is to realise and see that our identity is just a tool to create our lives with as we move through the ever-transitioning present.

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