January 26, 2022

Why we need to Stop the Self-Sabotage & Invest in Ourselves.


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Investing in ourselves is something that is so important in our growth, especially in getting us to where we want to go.

But this is also something that is so hard for us to do.

I have been there many times. It felt as though I had a mini-me on each of my shoulders—one whispering in my ear, “do it” and the other, “don’t do it.” I chalked one up to being my logical and rational mind and the other to being my emotion-centered heart. They both meant well and they both had good points for me to consider. So, which to choose?

Most of the time, I found myself giving in to whichever voice was louder, and whichever voice invoked more fear into my bones. Most of the time, I answered to my “logical and rational me,” instead of my “heart me.”

I gave in to the fear of investing in myself because this “little me” shouted, “Who do you think you are, spending money, time, and energy on yourself? You’re wasting it all! You’re selfish, and you should be spending it on someone or something else.”

Notice the “should” here.

The more conscious I have become of my internal world, my beliefs, and my habitual thoughts, the more I realize that whenever a part of me is saying “should,” then that means it’s not truly coming from “me.”

This may sound confusing, but the way I see it is that there is a “fake me,” or a “me,” that was molded by the hands and opinions of society, culture, and other humans in my life. This could be more of a persona, or rather the mask that I wear in the world. However, sometimes I forget to take the mask off and it is as if it becomes glued to me. The longer I wear it, the more it becomes attached to who I believe myself to be.

Unfortunately, what this persona has learned is that investing in ourselves and doing anything for ourselves (especially us women), is considered selfish and bad.

We are taught that we must give—give ourselves to others in service of the greater whole or the “machine” (we have to keep progress going after all). We often do this by over-working, letting others cross our boundaries, and saying no to ourselves when we really want to say yes, or yes when we want to say no.

We think that by doing this, others will love us more, and we will be happier—because this is what society tells us: that if you follow the rules and do what others expect of you then you will be successful and life will be swell. But the more we say no to ourselves, the more alienated we become from the life that we are meant to live.

When we do not invest in ourselves (whether this is time, energy, knowledge, workshops, or coaching), we are telling ourselves that we are not worthy of success and living the life that we really want. We are telling ourselves that what we want doesn’t matter, and what matters is making sure everyone else is happy with our decisions.

This is self-sabotage, people. We may not be conscious of it, but it’s happening within us, and when it does, it keeps us small, and in cycles of disempowerment.

I was in this cycle for a while. Starting my business was exciting and I thought I was saying yes to myself. In a way I was, but I was also saying no to myself so much more. I wanted to market myself, hire a coach, and take a few workshops, but the voice inside my head kept shouting “no!” I felt as though there was a tug-of-war going on inside of me. I felt anxious, confused, and could not make a decision to save my life.

It took some time and uncovering my unconscious beliefs about “who I thought I was” before I could shine the light on the “fake me” that kept me from saying “yes” and moving forward. Once I realized what was going on and how I was letting my fears, doubts, and disempowered persona drive the wheel, I decided it was time that I truly commit to myself, my growth, and my business.

The most important thing we can do in this life is helping ourselves.

So many of us are running around trying to change the world, but the world is in us. Whatever we feel inside of ourselves will reflect out into the world—in our relationships, actions, jobs, everything.

The more we invest in ourselves, our dreams, and our abilities, the more aligned we will be in our truth. The more aligned we are in our truth, the more compassionate, empathetic, and passionate we will be. We will share our amazing gifts (whatever they may be) with ourselves and the world around us. We will show up and live life as we’re supposed to, not from the blueprint of others.

When we invest in ourselves, we invest in making the world a more authentic and beautiful place.

You are not selfish for investing in your heart’s desires. You are meant to be here, take up space, and live in alignment with yourself. The only person you actually have to answer to at the end of your life is you, so start answering to yourself now, because I promise you, you will be and feel so much more fulfilled.

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