February 16, 2022

5 Ways to Know if your Coach, Healer or Mentor is actually Helping You.


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When I healed myself physically of years of disease and was led on the path to become a healing practitioner, I was surprised and overjoyed.

Surprised because I was told I’d be in a wheelchair instead of physically healed and I never imagined diving deep into learning about energy.

Overjoyed because I had always loved to help others, got a BA in Psychology, and suddenly had a life without physical pain.

Another huge reason I felt such joy was I assumed everyone who chose to help others would do just that, and what an awesome community of people to be a part of.

In my last 15 years of being a healing practitioner and mentor, I have become aware that healers, coaches, mentors, and anyone else who helps others are human too.

They might not recognize their unhealthy patterns that translate to the work they do, but it can seriously affect the clients who go to them.

I was called to write this post because, in the last month, I have had five new clients come to me with some trauma relating to healers, coaches, and mentors they have worked with. I will admit, it got my Leo Lioness haunches up and it took a while for me to calm down. It also took conversations with a couple of good friends to be able to be in a relaxed enough space to write this and to know it was important to write about this abuse of power.

What makes a good healing practitioner and how do you know if they are abusing their power?

Here are five ways to know whether or not the person you are entrusting to help you is actually helping you.

1. This is your journey and you are the one in power.

Beware of any healing practitioner or coach who wants to be looked at more like a “guru” and like someone who can “save” you. Only you can save yourself and a good coach/mentor/healing practitioner will give you tools, practices, and perhaps sessions to help you, but ultimately, they know this is your journey and they are there to help not fix.

I had a recent client tell me they had been working with someone for five years and that practitioner recently told them, “they had a million things to work on” so they would need to continue to work with them indefinitely. This is not empowering and if you have not felt shifting while working with a practitioner, it is probably time to get another practitioner.

2. No one can guarantee anything.

I feel so blessed in my practice to have seen things like Stage 4 cancer disappear when working with clients but I cannot guarantee that to anyone. I have helped people heal relationships they were pretty sure were over, but that too never holds a guarantee.

I recently had a client tell me they were guaranteed by an energy worker that they could bring an ex back to this client. Now, I know there are spells and energy work that claim to do this and methods that claim to cure certain diseases, but we are all different and we all have free will and are more in charge of our experiences than anyone else.

Why would you want anyone back who chose to not be with you? And if you had chosen to walk away from someone, would you want them to have some kind of energy work done to you to bring you back? 

We know there are different medicines, techniques, and methods of healing for a reason—not every single person is the same. Be wary of the person who “guarantees” an exact result. Yes, you can say to someone that if they use these methods they are likely to feel better—but nothing is 100 percent guaranteed ever, so why would healing be? 

There are always ways to feel better than you do right now, but no one can guarantee you this —healing does also involve you, your path, and your energy.

3. Does your mentor/practitioner make you feel empowered or disempowered?

I recently had a client who came to me near tears after working with a medium and energy practitioner. She was told during the session that her guides were “highly disappointed” in her. Not cool. I felt myself almost wanting to go through the screen and hug this woman, and I also felt myself tense up with anger and fury. I struggled with how anyone could call themselves a healing practitioner and say such a thing and needed to take some breaths and remember that they too are human.

I also remember when I chose a coach for myself who I thought “was a little tough” as a part of me felt I needed that “tough love.” Since, I have gained a coach who is all love and who I feel nurtured by, I know that a healing practitioner should emit love and healing.

You should leave a session with them feeling empowered—not worse about yourself. We all have had our “stuff” and traumas and we are all doing the best we can.

When I tap into energy whether it be through the Akashic records, shamanism, or energy work, I feel unconditional love. Never have I gotten a negative message berating someone because that is not the way it works. Our ancestors, our loved ones, our souls, and higher selves are all unconditional love. They are not criticizing us and judging us—we get enough of that from our critical mind and ego.

If anyone is telling you your soul or guides are disappointed in you—please go see someone else who is more supportive. That is coming from their own limited mindset and fears. I am of the belief that no one can be a clear channel all the time—our stuff gets in…we are human.

It is up to the practitioners to ask to be as clear as possible and to ensure they are empowering not disempowering clients by connecting to love, not limitation.

4. Are they holding you emotionally hostage?

I once signed up for a year coaching program and after a week realized I had already learned a lot of this teacher’s techniques. She also said a lot of things in the first week that exhibited some of the above qualities of guilt and emotional control, which made me decide we were not a fit. Even though I told her I did not resonate and wanted out of the program and it had only been a week, it took a letter from my lawyer to persuade her to let me out of the coaching program.

It is one thing to sign up for a class and get most of the way through and expect a refund. It is quite another to try something and quickly recognize it does not resonate. I know a few of my favorite teachers offer a 30-day money-back guarantee for classes and programs and that feels good to me.

Be wary of the person who makes you feel pressure to sign up for a pricey long program. Tune in and truly ask yourself if this is what you want and need. Also, be sure to ask what their cancelation policy is. I have also known healing practitioners who did not use their full gifts, almost not wanting the person to gain too much power, as then they would not be needed.

This goes with the above two points:

1. This is your journey and you are the one in power.

2. Do you leave your session with your practitioner feeling empowered or disempowered? 

There probably will be times in session where you might touch on something painful and it might bring up sad feelings. But what are the general and consistent emotions you feel after a session with the person you are paying to help you? Remember you pay this person to help, not to create more stress or angst in your life.

5. No one is a guru who knows everything.

This goes along with all of the above on this list but is different too. We are all so different and I truly believe we can learn from every single person we encounter.

I know I learn from my clients, my friends, my kids, and my loved ones. I also learn from some spiritual teachers and I have had my favorites who I love learning from repeatedly. But, because we are all different, I never expect to 100 percent agree with someone all the time nor do I expect my clients to.

If a client wants to tell me they disagree or see something differently or want something explained further—I welcome it. It gives me a chance to learn and see another perspective and perhaps check myself simultaneously.

I have seen some spiritual teachers and practitioners who truly want to be looked at as a “guru.” As someone who has all the answers. I once had a healing practitioner tell me he had “transcended his ego.” Funny, as simply by feeling the need to say that, he just proved that is not the case.

We all have our stuff and we are all are learning. The teachers who are needed now are the ones who hold some humbleness and know they, too, are human and are always learning.

Your mentor might know a ton about one or many modalities, but that does not mean they know everything about everything. They have lived as a human with their own traumas. Hopefully, they have done deep work on themselves, and I do feel most called to work as healing practitioners have taken some time to dive deep within. But it does not mean they should ever make you feel less than or that a goal is to be as wise as them someday.

We all have our unique gifts and we all have our “stuff.” Choose someone to work with who recognizes they will always be learning and continuing the journey of healing. This person will honor your gifts and encourage you to keep learning. No one has ever “arrived.” They are also on the path to continued healing.

These are a few of the major issues that came up from my own experiences and now stated repeatedly to me from clients. No one should come away from a healing practitioner feeling worse.

Choosing someone to help you on your journey is an honor for that other person. I consider it the highest honor ever that someone resonates with me enough to trust in me their secrets, their fears, and their goals, and I always do everything possible to respect that honor.

You should feel respect from any coach, mentor, or healing practitioner you work with. You are worth it! You have decided to try and feel better and gain some tools to do so.

You could not ask for anything more from yourself and you deserve healthy support along the way.

Best wishes for your healing journey!


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