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I’m not a great fan of Valentine’s Day.
More than anything else because of the commercialization that it gives us as an empty expression of love.
You get the flowers, the chocolate, the jewellery, the lingerie, the dinner, the whatever.
I’m going to digress for a moment and drop a hint. I like really good-quality dark chocolate! And then what? What happens the next day?
So let’s not throw the baby away with the bathwater here because there are possibilities. And the more time I spend learning, teaching, experiencing, exploring, the more I see how many possibilities are present in every situation.
And here’s the possibility. Don’t stop there on one day. Every day, every single day. Make every day a moment of intimacy, of connection, of sensuality, of eroticism, of pleasure, of love.
This isn’t about giving a thing; it’s about sharing your heart.
It’s about presence, your presence in yourself, in life, in love.
And when we open to possibility, we see the many ways we can share this—endlessly.
It can be a few minutes of looking into each other’s eyes. It can be an embrace, a conscious embrace, body to body, heart to heart. It can be a few minutes of caress, of a hand, of a cheek. It can be a neck nuzzle. It can be words of open, vulnerable sharing. Words of appreciation, of gratitude. It can be sitting together, breathing. It can be a gift, or sharing of touch.
There is so much; it’s without limits. And, of course, it can be more.
It’s allowing ourselves, choosing to be lovers, makers of love, which is so much more than our genitals and sex and orgasm. And another digression…so often I’m asked, “How do we get to have more sex?” This is how. The desire rises in the heart, and the more full the heart is—the more felt, seen, touched the heart is—the more that naturally flows down into arousal.
There’s something that happens with this, with us expressing more of ourselves, sharing more of ourselves in love. It wakes things up inside of us. It wakes up creativity, and when we’re more creative in our relationship and in our intimacy, we’re more creative in other parts of life.
When we’re more present in our relationship, we’re more present in all of life.
When we’re more caring in love, we’re more caring in life, of life. The possibilities expand.
And what we come to, with some awareness, is how much is in the everyday, in the things we can share that are not about things. It’s sharing in the present. In the ordinary. In my hand touching yours for a moment, feeling your skin, seeing the shape of your fingers. In our kiss, lips meeting, for just a few moments, breathing you into me.
There’s deep stuff here, in small moments of intimacy in the day.
And we don’t always realise how much is in intimacy, in connection. There is such power here. So much happens deep inside of us in the space of intimacy.
As nice as “things” are—the chocolate, the flowers, and all the rest—we eventually eat the chocolate. Even if we do that with sensual awareness of its taste, its texture, it will be finished soon, and the flowers will die too. But these moments of connection abide. They last. And they expand; they expand us.
Underneath the glitter, the paper hearts, the overpriced roses, is an amazing possibility that can bring something beautiful to our relationships—if we’re willing to see it, be it.