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I often experience a void after using the words “I choose.”
I feel a blank void. Anticipation and another voice pipe up and ask, “Yeah, what do you choose? Hurry up, make a decision!”
As a child, I didn’t have a lot of choices. I’m not talking about usual age-appropriate decisions, but limited options from poverty, not being seen, not being as important as others, and so on. Yes, many others come from similar or worse situations, but everyone’s experience is valid, affecting their perception and choices.
For me, I took on the idea that I didn’t have a choice because:
>> people didn’t listen or take me seriously—why bother?
>> I wasn’t significant enough to be supported, guided, encouraged, or have my ideas explored.
>> I thought that, as a family, we were less than others—poverty, social class, and others’ behaviour and words toward us reinforced this belief.
>> so many times I had to beg, resulting in resentful acceding from others as they gave in “to shut me up.” Yet, the sought-after pleasure wasn’t created, but guilt and sadness around choices were.
>> things never seemed as they were. Growing up was confusing with double standards, backstabbing by others, and two-facedness. It was challenging to make decisions about others with so much conflicting information.
As a result, I shut down, didn’t trust myself, and often ended up in challenging situations.
We replicate our younger years because they are familiar, and it is easier to navigate through known territory than a different one even if they are not great.
Awareness of this challenge helps us make sense of why choices are challenging, confusing, and, to be honest, quite scary at times. Not only am I likely to repeat a similar scenario if I don’t change, but the change point can be too different and complex to run the risk of getting it wrong or right, depending on the outcome.
And yet, what should we do?
Most of us desire something different from what we are experiencing. In the material world, we are encouraged to “work hard, play hard, and spend hard.” Those with the most expensive toys win, but not everyone gets fired up about these things. Then what?
If we explore the wheel of life and the various segments that create a balanced and holistic lifestyle, we will likely recognise what lights us up and what areas we feel are less-than or we’re missing out on.
The most common segments include:
>> family and intimate relationships
>> career and workplaces
>> finances and investment/security
>> hobbies, and relaxation
>> health and well-being
Take a walk around the elements and consider where you feel you are doing well and not. Which one would you like it to be different if you could do so?
Magic-wand the segment. What would it look, feel, and be like?
Feel into the different ideas. Which ones light you up, challenge you, or scare you endlessly?
The Dichotomous Challenge
Now, this is where it becomes a little more interesting and challenging. See, the subconscious parts have a role in keeping us safe to our historical standard. Yet, it is human nature to want to experience and have more. The challenge is real.
Stay the same, where it is known, safe, and considered normal and acceptable by those around you. Or, make a different choice, one that lights you up, asks you to step into a new role, but makes your risk stepping out of your comfort zone, friendship group, acceptable roles, and standards.
The dilemma is real. More so if you have previously been shamed, hurt, ridiculed, and experienced what’s considered as failure instead of lessons.
If you believe you will be unsupported, uncertain, scared, and isolated with the desired path change, you are risking multiple segments in your life wheel.
Rocking the boat, walking into the unknown, and recognising evolution are essential to creating a new experience. To knowingly make a choice, you need to change, to create something you desire, for change comes from the inside out.
It would be best if you dived into the fears, lies, and limiting beliefs, and set them free from the emotional entanglement and stories created over time.
You must declare and release the beliefs, habits, and daily choices so you can make what you desire a reality.
Start by saying the words “I choose.”