This article is written in partnership with The Feminine—they’re dedicated to providing women with resources to help reconnect with our sacred sensuality and divine feminine nature. We’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.
Divine Femininity. What comes to your mind when you read those words?
Better yet, what does it feel like to say them aloud?
So often these days, as women, it might feel slightly awkward. Our current global societal landscape has us so well-conditioned to think, analyze, produce, perform, and control.
That’s our energetic masculine side: activity and acquisition of power.
On the opposite side, there is the energetic feminine that could be summed up as feeling, sensing, surrender, ease, and emotion.
When we’ve taken a deep dive into our energetic masculine and have identified a desire to resurface its counterpart, the first step into feeling feminine is simply to tap into our sensual nature.
Personally, I don’t know when or where it happened; it’s like I blinked and went from being a nurturing, holistic, intuitive bodyworker to an overly-analytical perfectionist editor with overwhelmingly long to-do lists scribed in efforts to control and produce.
And I felt the toll of that mostly masculine energetic existence crushing my personal well-being and the balance of my romantic relationship.
So many of us women are familiar with the slow death of our femininity.
Perhaps we can trace our steps back to the exact moment we decided to make the shift and operate primarily out of our masculine (for me it was the decision to be an “adult” and morph from massage technician and caretaker to bonafide graduate of a too-expensive university).
Maybe we got lost years ago, having been catapulted into the masculine realm suddenly needing to become the provider for our family, or the rock in it.
And, of course, it could be anything in between.
Many of us, too, are just now beginning to feel ourselves slipping away from the feminine energy within us and intuitively know that we need to make efforts to strengthen our connection to our softer sensual side.
Despite this knowing, we might find ourselves a little unsure of how to get back there. I know I do. My mind gets as stuck as a frozen computer program and I can’t decide which action to take to restore my forward motion.
The struggle of rediscovering the divine feminine energy within us is something that Oana Stoianovici, founder of The Feminine knows intimately. In her professional past life as the youngest, most prominent leader of a powerful coaching company in San Francisco, California, she one day found herself faced with the gentle realization that all her success and power wasn’t going to make her happy.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like a man in a very sexy skirt, this is a sense that Oana had about herself—and one that I can strongly resonate with. It’s that recognition of ourselves as being fiery, independent, and charismatic, yet unable to necessarily identify with feeling like a woman.
That’s why, after years of hands-on, immersive research into the sacred, ancient rituals and wisdom of women around the globe, she founded The Feminine: to offer women resources to help us tap into our feminine energy, blossom as women, and define our own story beyond the trauma of existing in and moving through a patriarchal system.
“Feeling feminine is different than occupying the body of a woman,” as Oana says. “It’s moving away from a patriarchal system within ourselves and making room for our feminine nature. There’s a gap that needs defining, and a process of creation that differs for each individual.”
When I was introduced to Oana, I’d just begun exploring my own relationship (or lack thereof) to femininity. I’d moved far enough along in my journey to know that I needed to cultivate that energy within my life, and I’d even identified that as I aimed to reconnect with who I wanted to be as a woman, I’d need to make a project of exploring my sensuality.
I was floored to see that she had a program specifically dedicated to that journey—The Sensuality Masterclass.
It’s so important for us women to hold tight and fast to a balance between our energetically masculine and feminine attributes. And yet it can also be a confusing process to determine how in the world we’ll express, from a feminine context, the power we’ve worked so hard to gain.
A good starting point is through reconnecting with our sensuality.
4 Perfect Feminine Steps to Uncover your Sensuality and Reconnect with your Divine Feminine nature.
Oana’s 21-day Sensuality Masterclass includes 9 lessons that we work through in hour-long, bite-sized bits that reach right through our chest and start unwrapping the protective, masculine vines that have been guarding our feminine hearts.
Having gone through much of the program (I’m taking my time and working my way through at a pace that allows me to unfurl at my own deep-thinking pace) the below are the few lessons that were the most impactful and full of meaningful ah-has.
Give yourself an hour for each of these. Yes, one. whole. hour.
1. Define Sensuality for Yourself
You probably have an idea of what sensuality means to you already. I did too.
What was striking to me about Oana’s first guided video and its associated worksheet was that I hadn’t looked at the feelings and beliefs about myself that were holding me back from my desired version of sensuality.
The question that is front and center in this lesson is, “What’s the transformation you want to create in your life in relation to your sensuality and your femininity?”
Ritual: Create an altar to celebrate your femininity & reflect on all that sensuality entails for you.
A detailed instruction video is included in The Sensuality masterclass, but the gist of it is this:
Gather some items that scream “woman” to you. Perhaps it’s flowers or a beautiful crystal or three. Maybe it’s a specific fragrance, or a piece of jewelry that you feel expresses the essence of the woman within you or the woman you’d like to become. Bring all of that to your altar.
Light some incense, a candle, or both, and take some time to prepare yourself to meditate or visualize, and journal on these thoughts:
>> Where are you in your journey toward femininity and sensuality?
>> Where would you like to be and what would your sensuality look like if you fully embodied it?
Now, use your altar as a tool to help set the stage for all of the below rituals. This really is useful in setting the stage for sensual self-discovery.
2. Activate your Sexual Animal
In one of her first activations, Oana helps us dive into the sacred space of our heart and into the wild forest within it. As we go through the meditation, an animal comes to appear. This is our “sexual animal.”
To my surprise, I watched as a small black bear morphed into a deer grazing on some grass, then finally settled on a white wolf gazing intensely but not intimidatingly at me. The connection was strong, and I felt secure in her beauty.
Ritual: Find your inner wild space.
After setting up your altar and going through your own mini ritual to connect with your Heart, visualize yourself walking through a sensual forest. When you feel connected to this space, begin to explore what your sexual animal would be. Let the image come to you.
Once it has, study its movements, its demeanor, it’s habitat and diet. Observe how you feel when faced with your sexual animal, and write down what you can learn from all of the above.
This exercise will help you to understand where some of your relationship to your sexuality might be blocking your connection to your divine feminine and its sensual expression.
As Oana says, the moment we allow ourselves to imagine our sexual energy as a personal animal, we synchronize with our true sexual nature.
3. Connect with your Inner Girl
Let me ask you a simple question: Do you feel like a girl or a woman?
Personally, I’ve long felt like a girl despite the increasingly apparent signs my body offers me that I am, indeed, a grown-ass woman.
For years and years, I’ve observed that there were women in my life and girls in women’s bodies. I’d even tried to dissect what exactly caused me to label each as such.
The step I never got to before starting The Sensuality Masterclass is the recognition that there is an inner girl in every woman.
To activate our full sensual nature and an understanding of who we are and what we can experience during our lives as women, we need to create a space inside of us where we allow ourselves to identify and meet the suppressed wants and needs of our inner girl—a reparenting of sorts.
It sounds scary and it kinda is when you first embark on it.
In her meditation, Oana walks us through an enchanted forest to meet our inner girl. That, for me, was immensely uncomfortable.
To indulge for a moment in “believing” in fairies and angels and magic felt so odd. Actually, to be honest, it pissed me off. Seriously? Fairies and nymphs? Jesus Christ! I rolled my eyes behind my closed eyelids.
But being with that agitated, dismissive state during the meditation helped me to see the degree to which I reject my inner girl. And we all know what happens when we neglect children who want or need our attention: they act out and make themselves known.
I’ve got a lot of work to do here. And now that I know where I am in this area, I’m looking forward to making more progress.
Ritual: Reach out and touch your inner girl.
Sit yourself down, and meditate on or visualize meeting your inner girl. Let her appear to you, take her in.
How does she feel, what does she look like. Can you get her to play? Can you embrace her? Laugh with her?
Discover where you are with your inner girl and come to a new understanding of how your feelings toward her might hold you back from allowing yourself to fully tap into the full emotional spectrum of the woman you’re meant to be.
Connect to your inner girl, and uncover the woman hidden behind her. Start here, first (it’s FREE) >>
4. Create your Own Rite of Passage
This one is kick-ass and this is where I’m currently taking my time to really explore before I commit to and complete my Rite of Passage.
In this exercise, Oana encourages us to take a full day to focus on each of our senses.
In being fully present with each of our senses and taking them in as wholly as we can, we bring our presence into the literal act of sensing and come to understand our strengths and natural leanings as it pertains to our sensuality.
Ritual: Discover your passage.
Ponder how you might devote a whole day to focusing on the visual.
Will you focus on how each color around you creates a different feeling within you, or sends you back to a certain time in life? Will you spend time with yourself in the morning and create yourself as a work of art, dressing nicely, spending more time on your hair or makeup than usual? Will you bring something visually pleasing into your home or explore an art museum you’ve long put off visiting?
Repeat this pondering for each sense and mark a day on your calendar that you’ll carry out each of these sensual rites of passage.
This program is by no means for the faint of heart or those who like to run from exercises that create strong emotions both negative and positive. But it is for those of us women who are seeking to legitimately facilitate a coming home in relationship with the divine feminine.
When we take the time to truly tap into both the feminine aspects of ourselves that make us uncomfortable and those that we are most curious about, we allow for a fuller-bodied and more authentic expression of our power to permeate our being personally, professionally, and romantically. (Yes, a portion of the Sensuality Masterclass does focus on how to bring sensuality into our romantic relationships. The secret to passionate relationships starts with you).
So if you’re feeling the whispering—or screaming—call back to your strongsoft, divine feminine nature, this is for you, and I encourage you to answer that inner call and dive in deeper.
Only growth can come of exploration.