March 1, 2022

I Remember the Day I was Born.

 

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I remember the body I used to live inside.
She was a girl.
Innocent.
Sweet.
Carefree.

Sometimes she was selfish.
Young people often are.
Apparently it’s a survival instinct…me me me!

I liked being her, most of the time.
But sometimes she would get really sad, really lost. And I didn’t always know how to help her.

I like to think I helped her find her way.

She was always so vulnerable, so trusting.

Unraveling the many intricacies of her emotions and thought patterns was always a challenge, but I believe I did okay in looking after her for all those years.

She lived to a good age. She had enough time to make a lot of friends, travel, and experience many new things. She also partied, a lot.
Sometimes too much.

She drank too much and was a little irresponsible, but she knew where to draw the line. Now and then she would dance all night, fueled by a combination of liquor and happiness, and nothing more. But darkness walks hand in hand with light, and I had to help her find her way back home more than once.

She had so much love in her heart, but she didn’t know where to put it.

She wrote poetry on beer mats and wove limericks for strangers.

I miss her sometimes.

And guess what? I tried to bring a part of her with me.

She doesn’t exist in physical form anymore.
Yet she is with me, for moments in time. This world likes to demand my attention all too often, but I always hold a space for her.

Leaving her body was kind of scary. Entering this new one, even scarier. It felt so different at first. I had to learn to care for myself in a different way.

I am happier now. The mood of the woman I inhabit is a little more stable, a little more secure. She is wiser than the girl, and braver. She is more confident too. She also gets lost sometimes, but I know better these days, how to help her find her way back.

I am wiser now too.

The transition was challenging at times.

I was prepared, and yet I was completely unprepared.

I had no idea what to expect, yet I knew what was coming.

Pain.
Fear.
Uncertainty.
And a little excitement.

I did not realize what I was about to become, or the sheer influence I would find within myself.

It was an emotional and painful journey. The pain was almost unbearable at times. But I wasn’t alone. You were with me. You had been with me for a while, and I was comforted by your presence.

You guided me.
You led me.
You held my hand.
You held onto my heart.
And without words, you showed me the way. You showed me the way with love, and without questioning, I followed you.

I remember the day I was born.
I said goodbye to the girl I had been with for so long.
I was born into a new body.
And I met you for the first time.

I remember the day I was born.
The day everything changed.

The day I became your mother.

 

Hearted by

 

~

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