When it comes to finding love, the process can feel daunting, especially if we’ve been single for a while or have gone on a string of failed dates.
I remember when I was in the thick of my dating journey, the reality I wanted felt unachievable.
In my single days, I was so used to being on my own, so trying to picture a great love was difficult for me to imagine. My current reality and my dream relationship felt miles apart. And after multiple times being ghosted or left on read, I felt hopeless.
There were so many times when I just wanted to give up after endless swiping on the dating apps. But the thing about a soul desire is that they never go away. You can only ignore your true desires for so long until they start screaming at you. My inner voice was getting louder by the day, but my ego continued to tell me it wasn’t possible.
And maybe you’re feeling that way too. You are craving a relationship with a man who can’t get enough of you. You want that dream relationship and refuse to settle for less. And girl, you deserve it! You deserve to find the man that you’re crazy about and who can’t wait to see you. Even if you feel like dating is a dead end right now, I promise it can happen for you.
After 100 online dates, two short-term relationships that felt meaningless, and even a painful breakup, I found my dream person. I found the man who loves me to my core and accepts me exactly as I am. We’ve been together for four years and just recently got married.
What kind of relationship are you really desiring? I want you to close your eyes and bring up the image in your mind. I want you to see the man who shows up at your door with flowers unexpectedly. The man who remembers your favorite restaurant and takes you there for your birthday. The man who stays up until 3 a.m. with you, wanting to know everything about you.
How amazing does that feel? I promise he is out there! He’s waiting to meet you too. So let’s break down exactly how you can find this amazing man. The magic is in the work you do before you meet him. The magic of growing your confidence, getting clear on what you want, and taking intentional action. This is exactly what I help my clients do, and it’s a beautiful process.
So grab your favorite drink, a journal and pen, and carve out some you-time. Each section will have powerful questions you can start applying to your own journey. Here we go!
Step 1: Stop Self-Sabotage
The most powerful place to start is by breaking down all the walls that prevent you from attracting love—those limiting beliefs that have been with you for years. You know, the ones that tell you that you’ll be single forever or you don’t deserve love like other women.
As kids, we pick up beliefs about love and relationships from our caregivers and the society we live in. We pick up deep held views about marriage based on the relationship we saw our parents have. We also pick up beliefs about our self-image and desirability. Maybe you heard your mom constantly talk bad about you or other kids teased you during school.
It’s hard to admit that some of these fears have been holding you back but the beautiful thing is that beliefs can be changed at any point in life. You, as an adult, have the power to change your inner world and believe new truths. You are incredibly powerful! I absolutely love when clients have a huge breakthrough and are no longer tied down by these limiting beliefs.
So now, it’s your turn. I want you to go through these questions and answer them for yourself. At the end of the questions there will be a powerful way to reframe them and begin to believe new truths for yourself.
- Do you believe that finding love is possible for you? Why or why not?
- What type of relationship did your parents have?
- Have the same relationship patterns from your parents been showing up in your own life?
- Do you believe that a committed man is out there for you? Why or why not?
- What qualities have your past partners had? Do they share similar qualities?
By asking these questions to yourself, you are starting to peel back the layers to your true self—the self that is worthy and deserving of love! And it’s okay if you don’t like some of the answers from above. Here’s how to reframe them to support you:
>> If you answered, “I only attract emotionally unavailable men, none of them want commitment,” try this reframe: “My past partners taught me valuable lessons, and I am now ready to attract committed men. It’s safe to trust myself and men in relationships.”
>> If you answered, “My parents got divorced when I was young and I do not know what a healthy relationship looks like,” try this reframe: “My parents did the best they could at the time and I release any fear relating to their marriage. I inherently know what a healthy and committed relationship will look and feel like.”
See how powerful just the simple way of relooking at these fears is? I want you to go back through and try it for yourself. Reframe the statements in a way that supports you and the future you are craving. You got this!
Step 2: Cultivating Self-Love
Now that we got the heavy lifting out of the way, we are on to my favorite step. The reason I even created this life-changing program was so that more women can love and accept themselves. When a woman is confident in who she truly is, she is unstoppable. So let’s get you there!
This step is all about finding ways we can support ourselves and our dreams. From creating a powerful self-love routine to listening to our intuition, this step is all about us. And the beautiful thing is that these lessons can be applied to all areas of our life, not just finding love.
When we love, accept, and take deep care of ourselves, life becomes magical. We will feel hopeful and excited about life, rather than fearful and worried. Love will have no choice but to show up in our life effortlessly when we become an energetic match for it.
So now, it’s our time to create a powerful self-love routine that supports us and our dreams. Commit to doing this for 20 days, and I promise you will start experiencing the magic.
- Do you currently have a daily routine? Does it support you mentally and emotionally?
- Do you have spiritual practices that you already do, such as journaling or meditating?
- What are some activities you really enjoy doing? Do you make time for them?
- What is a reasonable amount of time you can commit to a routine?
From here, I want you to create a routine that feels powerful for you—one that you can commit to doing for the next 20 days, preferably at the same time of day.
Here’s an example of a 20-minute daily routine focused on grounding yourself to the present:
>> A 10-minute grounding meditation (search YouTube for options).
>> A 10-minute journal reflection about what being in the present moment means to you.
>> Finish your routine by setting a daily intention to find more ways to be present in your life.
And there you have it! A simple but powerful routine that gets your mindset to a place of empowerment and support. Try if for 20 days and let me know what magic unfolds in your life.
Okay, so the first two steps to finding love is all about banishing limiting beliefs and cultivating self-love. Those two steps alone might completely change our life. And not just for finding love, but for enhancing our life in all areas.
These two steps now get into the tangible action we can take toward finding love. Even if we are in a relationship, these steps can greatly enhance both us and our partner’s life.
There is a big misconception out there that says we only need to think positive thoughts and our dreams will come true. While that is an important step to it, that’s not all. Being a powerful creator of our reality requires new thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, we can’t just sit at home hoping that our soul mate will knock on our door (how amazing would that be?!).
This is why I structured my coaching package the way I did. I wanted there to be time for you as the client to actually take inspired action. This process has worked for me and countless other women. If you follow all these steps that combine the spiritual and practical, you will be amazed at the magic that shows up in your life.
So are you ready to actually get out there and attract more love? Let’s get into the next two steps of this powerful process. Grab your journal and follow along the exercises in each step.
Step 3: Discover Your Desires
Oftentimes, in dating, it’s hard for most people to even realize what they want in a partner. Sure, they may know what they want them to look like, but what about the deeper qualities and values? This step alone will have us attracting high-quality partners like never before.
The reason most people don’t know what they are exactly looking for is because they let societal norms or beliefs from family and friends cloud their judgement. Has anyone close to you quickly judged someone you were dating or interested in? Have your parents told you that you must only date a certain type of person?
See, these passed on beliefs can be detrimental to someone who is looking for a meaningful connection. And not just one that will make their mother or best friend approve. When we learn to drop everyone else’s opinions and tap into our own truth, our life will change.
Before you go on anymore dates, complete the exercise below. You are the only person in charge of your life, so why not be with someone who genuinely makes you happy? This right here is the secret to long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. Drop the outside judgements and focus on what you want. Refreshing, right?
Take out your journal and answer the below prompts. Have fun with it!
- List out the top 10 qualities you desire in a partner (do not include anything about how they look).
- Next to each quality, write out why this is important to you (this will reinforce your desires with your subconscious mind and attract more of these people to you).
- Now I want you to go back and circle your top three traits. These are your nonnegotiable traits that your partner must have.
- For your top three, write a short paragraph next to each as to why this trait is so important and what it will mean to you to have a partner who embodies this trait.
And there you have it! The same powerful exercise I do with all my clients. Was there anything that shocked or surprised you? Have you ever dated anyone with your top three traits?
Also, a quick note on why I do not include anything about physical features is because looks will change; qualities will not. And I am a firm believer in the fact that attraction grows over time as you get to know someone. Be open to how your partner may look, and let the universe surprise you with who shows up in your life. You never know who you may fall in love with!
Another crucial part of this step is a magical manifestation tool I used to attract my soul mate. It’s something that can’t be explained in a blog post and I reserve it for my private clients.
Step 4: Kickstart your Dating Life
We have arrived to the fourth and final step. Now this will involve you getting off your couch and sweatpants. Trust me, I know how hard that can be. But in all seriousness, this is where you get to practice being the powerful creator of life that you inherently are.
Like I previously mentioned, this step is missing from most manifestation teachings that we read. Yes, thoughts are extremely powerful and life-changing, but we have to act on those inspired ideas we get. That’s how the universe talks to us.
The truth is we are constantly manifesting, even if we don’t realize it. Everything in our life is a reflection of a belief or thought we once had; that means we have the power to change anything we don’t like.
So when it comes to dating and finding love, we will have to put ourselves out there. Sure, we may still experience bad dates, but now we get to be in control. By being confident in ourselves and knowing what we want, our dating experience will be amplified.
I always like to tell clients that they should think of dating as a big experiment. Instead of getting immediately attached to a person or agonizing over if someone likes you, why not have fun and see the type of people who come into your life. Take note of the qualities you like and the ones you don’t. Have fun being the confident and attractive person you are.
So let’s get into what inspired action looks like:
- I want you to look back at your top three traits you identified, and now ask yourself, do you live by all three? It’s time to start embodying them in yourself! Let’s say you identified you desire a partner who is adventurous, honest, and loving.
- Now identify all the ways you can live these yourself. Maybe you sign up for that rock climbing course you’ve been eyeing. Or maybe you start getting honest with yourself and everyone in your life, no more hiding your truth. The key to manifesting your dream partner is by embodying all the traits you desire in yourself first.
- What kind of dating feels like the right path for you right now? Is it online dating or is it meeting someone in person? Decide which one you want to try and get out there! Sign up for that dating app or let your friends know that you’re open to being set up. Show the universe that you are serious about finding love, and you will be greatly rewarded.
I know this action step can feel daunting or your mind is telling you that it won’t work. That’s totally normal, I promise! Take it slow and go at a pace that feels good to you. Set boundaries around dating, and take rest when you need it.
I promise that if you follow these steps, your entire life will open up. You’ll grow and maintain confidence and self-love. You’ll put your desires first before anyone else’s opinions. You’ll realize just how attractive you are—inside and out. And when you live like that, love has no choice but to enter into your life effortlessly.
Now I want to hear from you, which step was the most powerful for you? Which one feels like the toughest? Which topic would you like to learn more about? Drop it in the comments below!
Here’s to dating and finding love!