March 18, 2022

The Twin Flame Trap: Why (oftentimes) Couples don’t Come Together.


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“It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.” ~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist


Finding our Twin Flame speaks to our deepest romantic desires because it seems to hold the promise of everlasting love, far beyond this lifetime, as this is our divine counterpart, the one sent to us by the divine.

This idea of perfect love is further imprinted on us through books, music, movies, and religious and mythical stories that perpetuate the dream of the “…and they lived happily ever fairy tale.”

Just look at the quote from The Alchemist above, although it is one of my favorite books, this one line seems to suggest that without the love of our twin soul (which is just another word for Twin Flame), our dreams (aka the life we live) would have no meaning.

Having been a Twin Flame teacher and healer for over six years in my previous business, I have seen the downsides to such unrealistic expectations around love and the utter heartbreak that most people who identify themselves as twin flames experience.

I owned one of the biggest Twin Flame websites, which had around 75,000 individual visitors a month at its peak. Many people loved my work because it was so different from what every other Twin Flame resource was saying, although there were also plenty of haters. Doing this work and having worked with over a thousand clients, both individually as well as in groups throughout that time, has given me a unique perspective on the Twin Flame journey.

The reality is that in roughly 90 percent of the cases where someone feels they have found their Twin Flame, they will not be together with their person in the short term. Some couples circle back to each other after years, but the harsh truth is that, in most cases, the person they believe to be their Twin Flame is in a relationship with someone else.

Sometimes, these often men and sometimes women are involved with the “twin” in an affair, but most of the time, there are large periods of no contact whatsoever. This has led to the rise of many people who identify as being a Twin Flame in such a third-party situation to turn to psychics to get the energetic deets on their person—often putting their lives on hold, for who they believe to be their twin to return.

Others attempt to move on and often decide that the next person they fall in love with must be their true Twin Flame. I once held a poll where roughly 30 percent of the respondents admitted to having thought that someone else other than their current person was their Twin Flame. Because they are searching for their “twin,” they wonder with each new partner (man or woman) if this person is their true divine counterpart.

The third group buys all the Twin Flame meditations and programs to “manifest” union and runs from one quick fix to the other, always hoping that this next thing is going to bring their twin back to them, and it seldom does.

There is only a small percentage of people identifying as Twin Flames who come together, and even when they do, it’s not guaranteed they stay together; many of them are in off/on relationships, or they split up permanently after a few years, sometimes even after being together briefly, the twin suddenly and unexpectedly dies. Of the thousands of Twin Flames I worked with, four I know of got married and are still together as far as I know.

This leads to the fourth and final group who have become so disenchanted with the Twin Flame journey they have become bitter and angry, often because this person came like a hurricane through their life and then disappeared without a trace or has blocked them and wants nothing to do with them. The rejection and abandonment wounds that they may carry from childhood or even past lives are ripped open through these experiences, and the pain is unbearable.

But that is exactly why these connections come into our lives: to put us on a fast-track to ascension and a completely new way of living life within the new paradigm of heaven on Earth. Most people associating themselves with the Twin Flame label don’t ever get here, though, because they are fixated on the romantic outcome they so deeply desire. They stay stuck in waiting for the twin, trying to force the romantic outcome, seeking love elsewhere, or staying stuck in anger and resentment. This is when the Twin Flame connection becomes a trap that one is stuck in and cannot come out of.

It remains a trap until we are willing to face and heal the unhealed parts in ourselves that the Twin Flame connection is mirroring back to us. This allows us to become whole within ourselves and truly unlock our full potential on a soul level, to embody our true soul gifts that we have been developing over lifetimes and lifetimes (this is, in most cases, not through becoming yet another tarot reader).

Except this is, of course, what no Twin Flame wants to hear; they want the romantic outcome and run after everyone who claims they can show them the way. And they will find plenty of them!

The Twin Flame industry is a multi-million dollar industry, including psychics, tarot readers, teachers, coaches, healers, and so on who have a vested interest in perpetuating the idea of a romantic fairy tale come true, which may not even be a matter of mal intent (as most of these service providers are on the Twin Flame journey themselves, deeply craving this romantic outcome with their person which can only be understood to the level of personal experience).

This is why for many people it’s difficult to understand why the romantic feelings would run so deep if this journey is not about coming together as a couple. Why would they feel so deeply connected to this person, to the point that they feel they are unable to sever the bond, unable to walk away, even when they try, if it’s not because they are meant to be together?

The reason this connection feels to be inescapable is because after we have moved heaven and Earth to make the romantic outcome happen, there’s only one option left, and that is to go inside and face the deep, dark pain that “losing” this person has reawakened in us. And although it would seem that the pain is about what is happening now, in reality, this is a pain that we have been carrying with us over lifetimes and lifetimes.

Finally, healing this pain leads to soul liberation and the inner marriage of the higher and lower self. This inner union heals the separation between the ego and the soul, which brings about true wholeness and integration of the human and the divine.

Those who do come to this stage of inner union with their own soul, move on because they have completed the journey; they no longer pine for union with the twin.

For many still on this journey, the idea of not being together with their person is utterly devastating, but having walked this journey to the end, I guarantee you that a romantic outcome, even with the Twin Flame, cannot compete with coming home to yourself.



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