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April 11, 2022

3 Lessons that Helped me Become Unapologetically Me.

I sipped my coffee, marvelled at the spectacular sunrise, and reflected on how wonderful it feels to be me right now.

If you had asked me how I felt about myself a few years ago, I doubt I would have said anything close to this. 

I used to worry about what other people thought of me constantly.

I found it hard to say “no” to people; I was afraid they’d think I was rude or self-centred.

I lacked confidence in myself, and I was continually apologizing for my actions.

I was so busy focusing on the outside world that I neglected my inner world.

I was always the nice girl and did whatever I could for everyone; that’s still part of me to this very day. I love to help others, and I have always felt it was my gift is to lift people up, especially when they are feeling down.

But a few things have changed; as the more I started to learn and love myself exactly as I am, I began to give less f*cks about what others think of me.

There is a vast difference between being kind and being people-pleasing.

Of course, it’s nice to be nice, but if this comes at the expense of changing or hiding who you are, I now say f*ck that.

Some days, I’m a moody, stressed cow, and I get frickin’ angry.

Some days, I can’t bear to be around people; my own company is draining enough.

Some days, I merely can’t be arsed to do anything.

And some days, I’m like a hippie on ecstasy, loving everything that life throws my way.

My point is that this is me, and I now love and accept every part.

Here are three lessons I have learnt about myself and the areas I once felt judged for:

Expression

Unlike many years ago, people only heard my timid, sweet, and overly polite yoga voice.

I was all love and light—and nothing in between. I hate to burst your bubble but this is not how life goes.

Now I speak my truth and express all my emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly, the downright bonkers, and everything in between.

I often swear; it’s just the way I express myself—that’s just me.

Do I care anymore if people are offended by how I express my voice? 

Truthfully, sometimes, yes (it’s a work in progress). But most of the time, no, because that’s their opinion, not mine.

If they judge me, they are only judging themselves, which is their problem, not mine

It’s often a projection. If someone else’s actions or behaviours trigger you, ask yourself why.

What is this bringing up? Where has this trigger come from?

Most of my clients on our coaching calls drop the occasional F-word. Some don’t; it’s all gravy, baby.

But by me being me and showing up as my raw, authentic, sometimes messy self reflects the conversations we have, everyone feels comfortable to be authentic.

Do you speak your truth?

Or are you hiding behind your words?

Or do you judge others the way for the way they voice themselves?

Boundaries

Saying no never used to come easy to me; I would say yes to every frickin’ thing—every trip out, every job, every message I received.

Until I started to ask myself why, and surprise surprise, I used to say yes because I thought people would be offended if I said no, plus there was always an element of FOMO.

Saying yes to everything and everyone was far from loving and respecting myself.

For example, showing up for a lunch date with a friend with a “no” vibe within will not serve anyone.

So, start today to say no to the things that don’t serve you.

Your time and energy are precious; use them wisely. If you don’t get an instant yes, don’t respond—it’s as simple as that. Sit with it, take time to reflect, or put it away for a while and come back to it later.

But ultimately make a decision; within, you know your answer.

If you get an instant, full-bodied no, say it, express it, tell people if they are waiting on your answer.

I often ask my body for a yes or no, even down to the simplest of questions, like should I go for lunch or stay home.

Through my years of yoga and meditation, I hear the whispers of my body respond to my questions. 

If this sounds complete gobbledygook to you, let me know, and I will share more with you another day.

Say yes to the things that fill your cup and make you feel energised. 

Say yes to the things that let you see your true value and worth instead of causing you to question it. 

Say yes to the things that make you feel confident, beautiful, and powerful.

Acceptance

The secret to a contented life is to accept yourself completely, with all of your quirks, flaws, emotions, and thoughts. 

When you spend too much time and energy trying to please others, you end up neglecting your own needs and priorities. 

Let go of the need to please others and learn to love and accept yourself completely.

Make accepting yourself first a priority.

Be yourself, and everything else will fall into place as a result.

So, with all that said, how are you going to show up today?

~

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