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Alright ladies, listen up.
If you really get what I’m about to tell you it will change your life.
Comparing your appearance to others is one of the most disempowering things you can do for these six reasons:
1. It activates your survival and stress responses. Comparison triggers a fear-based belief that you must compete for love, admiration, and respect because they’re scarce.
2. You feel alone because you see other women as your competition rather than allies who should unite against an objectified system that harms us.
3. You’re empowering arbitrary beauty standards that harm and oppress all women, even those who fit the mold perfectly. These standards have no power unless we give it to them.
4. You lose respect for yourself. Comparison is a superficial and judgmental attempt to dominate. Probably not the kind of person that you want to be.
5. You’re elevating male-dominated objectification over the compassionate wisdom that everyone’s beautiful in her own way and in her own right.
6. You’re reducing yourself into a sexual object through the lens of the male gaze. You are relating yourself as an object with finite value. You’re relating to the person you’re comparing yourself with as an object with finite value. A mentor of mine, Caroline Heldman explained in her Ted Talk The Sexy Lie, you’re disempowered when you relate to yourself as an object because subjects act and objects are acted upon. There’s no way to be an empowered object.
When we compare ourselves, we don’t feel bad because we’re less. We feel bad because it’s oppressive, objectifying, and disempowering to play the comparison game. Even if it seems like we’re winning, it’s a game you never win because you lose as soon as we buy into it. You could be the most beautiful, sexiest, most successful person in the world and you’d never win. I modelled for elite agencies and the more successful I became, the more unhappy and insecure I felt.
Someone else getting love or respect doesn’t mean there’s less of it for you. That’s an illusion. There’s no scarcity of love and respect in the world. Love only multiplies.
Your value can’t be compared to anyone else’s because your value is not finite. It can’t be measured. You are not an object. You are a subject. You are the creator of your reality. Do not allow oppressive narratives into your reality.
You are, in every moment, the space of infinite possibility. You are sending out an electromagnetic field, a vibration, that affects the world around you. There is no comparison because there’s no one else like you.