This article is written in partnership with The Feminine—they’re dedicated to providing women with resources to help reconnect with our sacred sensuality and divine feminine nature. We’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.
I’ve struggled with being in control my whole life. I mean, surrender is freaking hard.
It’s terrifying to let go and let be. It threatens my sense of stability.
If I behave a certain way, I know the limited outcomes of a situation and can avoid feeling disappointed or hurt or let down. It’s that “simple.”
Until I connected with The Feminine, a website devoted to offering resources to help us tap into our feminine energy, blossom as women, and define our own story, I never fully understood the degree to which I’ve been blocking my potential for joy and pleasure by behaving that way.
When I first re-connected with my sensual energy in a meaningful way, I was living on the island of Hawai’i. I felt alive in a way I hadn’t before.
My senses were in full throttle. I was feeling, smelling, touching, tasting life. I was, so often, fully present. And in that presence, I realized that letting go was not a death sentence.
A new world emerged for me with that realization, and a few months ago, this exploration of my newfound feminine energy guided me into a deeper realization: I’ve been resisting intimacy.
We all crave passion and profound intimacy with our partner, and I can at times struggle to experience that fully despite mine and my boyfriend’s amazing connection. In connecting with my sensual energy the way I did in Hawai’i, I finally began to feel why that was. But I still couldn’t put a finger on it and tap into a solution.
A recent email from The Feminine’s founder, Oana Stoianovici, provided the aha moment I was looking for as she introduced her FREE upcoming masterclass, “3 Ways to Embody Feminine Energy”:
I’ve been stuck in my head, playing the game of seduction.
And the game of seduction is completely different than fully owning our most intimate desires (both physical and emotional) and surrendering to our pleasure alongside another.
In our playing the role of sexy for a partner, we can often become insecure when the moment calls to truly connect intimately with a partner.
Reading Oana’s description, I began to connect the dots between fully opening myself and intimacy: I wasn’t fully owning my desire. I was hiding it.
And if there’s anything I learned from the sensual opening I gained from my time living in Hawai’i, it’s that when you are honest about and cultivate more of what you want, you begin to effortlessly attract and experience it.
What do you really want?
We women often allow our need to fit in, or even our desire to control situations, run the show. That’s seduction—making ourselves more appealing or palatable for those we seek to impress.
Our tendency, in these cases, can be to chip away at the pleasures that make us uniquely ourselves, but it’s the faking & forcing in life that push us farther from our authentic femininity as women and take an axe to our sensuality.
And so, we often come to feel hollow and numb, seeking excitement and adrenaline thinking it will lead to intimacy and pleasure, only to feel more lonely and disconnected when we want the opposite.
There are 6 signs that you need to reconnect with your feminine nature to tap into intimacy:
>> You feel physically & emotionally drained
>> You lack confidence and feel scattered
>> You are low on (but also crave) intimacy & passion
>> You feel lonely, hopeless, tired, objectified, stuck or sexually
>> You long to be part of a safe community
>> You are ready to go beyond your limiting beliefs
Feel like someone read through your journal and picked out all the themes that keep coming up in your life? Me too.
But if we want to feel connected to our body, to be able to feel complete and sensual without needing someone else…
If we want to be able to access joy, pleasure, and vitality in our everyday life…
If we want to let go of control, be in flow, and trust life instead of always seeking to control it, we need to drop the seduction game like it’s hot and learn…
How to embody our feminine energy.
In “3 Ways to Embody Feminine Energy.” Oana walks us through a three-step process of returning to our femininity.
You can check out the first and third steps here, but what I want to focus on is my favorite step—the second one, how to feel and connect with your sensual and sexual energy—because it has been truly transformational for me.
When we feel so deeply buried beneath all the ways we’ve been told or have told ourselves we should be, connecting with ourselves is often what we crave and need the most. And it’s absolutely pivotal to putting our seduction game to bed and stepping into something a little more “comfortable”: intimacy.
Sensual reconnection happens in two parts: getting in touch with our inner girl (Don’t run! There’s so much to learn from this brilliant, skilled woman), and taking our senses out on dates.
Touching in with our inner girl.
Our inner girl is the gatekeeper to our sensual nature. She holds the key to all of our stuck emotions and limiting beliefs, and if we want to get in touch with all the sensual and sexual energy potential that we have within us, we’ve got to get through her.
The freedom, comfort, and safety of exploring our wild nature is often suppressed by social and parental standards and we are left disconnected and disembodied.
Connecting with our inner girl literally means going back to the root of the process and claiming our unique sensual identity.
Oddly enough, while the concept of getting in touch with the little Marisa within me was a huge turn-off, a gentle first attempt at doing so shed some major light on my relationship with worthiness.
The idea that I was worthy of giving myself the chance to just be and to experience the moment was something my upbringing didn’t allow. If I just kept myself mentally elsewhere—either hypervigilant or off in a daydream, I’d never have to feel the full force of what was going on right then and there. Enter a strong disconnection from all of my senses.
The feminine energy we are looking for, as activated through The Feminine’s movement, breath work, and feminine rituals, brings all of our dormant senses to the surface and guides us to re-parent our broken parts.
As we do that, we uncover more of our capacity to become empowered in our fully sensing, intuitive, feminine ways of being. That’s where another thing that Oana mentions in her webinar really comes into play:
Taking our Senses on dates
Once we have opened ourselves up a bit and are in better contact with our inner girl, we can create a rite of passage where we devote time to activating each of our senses. When given a peek of what this looks like, it’s kind of like taking ourselves out on dates with each one of our senses.
5 Unique Self-Dates to take your Sensuality to the Max.
For each of these, you’ll pick a full day to devote to a grand exploratory adventure. On these day-long expeditions, you’ll discover where you and your senses are compatible—all the beauty that you see in Sight, all the good things that Sound has to say.
Here are a few ideas to get you connecting with each sense. You take it from there:
Wake up and take note of how the sheets feel brushing against your toes, and how the air caresses your skin when you throw the blankets off. Walk into the closet and offer Touch a veritable feast of texture as you caress your fingertips across the. Run your fingers along the fabric of you! From here, the world is your oyster. Go on…get handsy. Put your body on it!
Take time to really smell the roses, and your coffee, and how the air smells different in the morning while walking in the grass than while strolling on the hot sidewalk at 3 p.m. Go on a scent safari and discover how a book smells different than a magazine. Get nosey literally everywhere and perhaps even with everyone.
Take the time to really see yourself as you get ready in the morning. Look at your body naked instead of avoiding your flesh in the mirror. Peer into the smile lines at the corner of your eyes. Make yourself a walking piece of art. Let your eyes gulp down every sight they can. Fall asleep actively exploring the backs of your eyes.
Listen to the water as it flows into the sink basin and how it differs from how it sound when striking your skin. Tune into the sound of a flickering candle flame, or the slight buzz of a light bulb in the room. Listen—to the world, your lover, yourself.
Get the beer sampler, or the higher priced wine flight. Walk into the premium chocolatier and taste the difference between a rectangle of Hershey’s and that dark chocolate ganache truffle with a single salt crystal on top. Taste your mouth before brushing your teeth and after; taste your lover’s skin.
Are you beginning to see how this can really open our sensual and sexual floodgates?
This is how we stop seducing and start attracting the love and life we want.
When we allow ourselves to connect with our innermost part of who we are through our many sensual pleasures, we bring ourselves into a wonderfully heightened sense of awareness where we become keenly attuned to what brings us joy and pleasure as well as what turns us off and shuts us down.
The game of seduction is put away, and an open canvas of intimacy becomes a space of pure self-expression, creativity, and manifestation where sensuality serves as the paint that brings vivid color into our existence.
And in that case, wouldn’t you argue that we’d best cultivate our skills?