Ahhh, first dates.
So much emotion and feeling packed into two words! What is the first thing that comes to mind for you when you see those words?
I know when I was in the dating world, my emotions were all over the place when it came to first dates. I would feel excited then nervous. I would be so optimistic one second then dreading it two minutes before meeting my date.
Why do these two words conjure up so many emotions for people? The answer is simple; it’s because we put way too much pressure on them.
Seriously, have you ever gone on a first date with such high expectations that this person will be your soulmate? Or maybe you set up a date for Friday but then canceled it Thursday at midnight, blaming it on COVID-19, but you really just don’t want to go. Sounds familiar?
Trust me, I have been there. I know how conflicting these feelings and emotions can be. On one hand, you want to go on more dates and meet potential matches. But on the other hand, you don’t want to get out of your sweatpants and risk rejection.
Or you’re like me, and staying in bed watching trashy reality shows sounds way more enticing than putting on makeup and leaving the house. The struggle is real.
But the unfortunate fact is that you will not meet your person if you don’t go on dates. Unless you just want a pen pal whom you can message back and forth—you don’t actually have to leave your couch for that. But I have a sneaking suspicion you are looking for more than a pen pal if you’re reading my articles!
So I am here to make the case for exciting first dates!
Even if things don’t work out with that person, there is a way to make all first dates fun, regardless of what happens or who you meet. And the more dates you go on, the higher are the chances of you meeting a good match.
I hope these motivate you to turn off Netflix, change out of those sweatpants, and get excited to go out and meet some new and interesting people. Because the beginning to any great love story always has to start with that first meeting.
So let’s get into the four ways you can make your next first date the best one yet:
1. Take the pressure off.
As I mentioned above, the reason why most of us dread first dates is because we put so much pressure on them. There’s the pressure for us women to look good and be attractive. Then there’s the pressure that you need to keep the conversation flowing effortlessly. Or how about the pressure that this date has to be your soul mate?
It’s all so exhausting. The anxiety caused by the pressure can leave most of us running for the hills. I used to get this way before every single date. I would drink a glass (or two) of wine to calm my nerves. But, honestly, that didn’t help at all. After about 20 first dates with online matches where I was riddled with anxiety, I knew I had to make a change so I could actually enjoy meeting men.
So my solution to all the built up pressure? Simple, don’t buy into it.
Seriously, a first date is simply a meeting. And no, the majority of them do not involve butterflies and fireworks shooting off in the distance (I blame the Bachelor for making us believe this is normal). When I went on the first date with my husband, I was not really sure what to think. Yes, we had a fun time talking and connecting, but I didn’t have those crazy intense feelings right away.
But I was willing to take it date by date. And you know what? Our connection grew stronger as we got to know each other. After a couple months of building a strong foundation, we fell in love. If I just went off the first date alone, I probably would have figured there wasn’t a connection. Boy am I glad I didn’t do that because I would have missed out on falling in love with my soul mate.
So next time you have that first date set up, try repeating this affirmation until it really sinks in: I am willing to get to know this person and be totally present. I release any and all expectations from myself and my date.
Phew! How much better does that affirmation feel? Take the pressure off, be present for your date, and just have fun getting to know someone else.
2. Download my free guide.
I’ll keep this point short and sweet. I have created a free guide all about the five most effective ways to make your online dating profile unforgettable. With these five steps, you will get higher quality matches that have lots in common with you. Want to make a first date enjoyable? Increase your chances by tweaking your profile to best reflect who you are!
Head to my site to download the guide and get immediate access.
3. Lower your expectations.
Similar to the first point, you need to lower your expectations to make your dates more enjoyable. Your life is not a romantic comedy, and unfortunately, we can’t just lock eyes with someone at the coffee shop and run off into the sunset (although that would be nice).
The only thing that having high expectations will do is cause stress not only for you, but also your date. I don’t know anyone who wants to go on a date with someone grilling them about how many kids they want.
Yes, I do think you should do some up-front conversations and see if you are both a good match. Do you have similar interests? Do they have qualities you are looking for? Great, set up a date!
But the fact is that a lot of people are nervous for first dates. This is your first meeting for a potential romantic partner, nerves are inevitable. But don’t expect them (or you) to be this perfect person. See a first date for what it really is: a chance to get to know someone new and see what progresses.
Maybe you’ll date this person for three months, maybe you will never see them again, or maybe you will have met your future spouse. There’s no way to know what will happen, so lean back and let life figure itself out.
In the meantime, enjoy getting to know people for who they are!
4. Be the most confident version of you.
Okay, I have to say this is my favorite tip of all. This is the absolute best way to make sure all your first dates are fun. Practice being the most confident version of you. There’s nothing in the world more attractive than confidence, so why not have fun with it.
And I am not talking about surface level confidence, where you think you need to lose 10 pounds before dating (you definitely do not). But I am talking about a deeper confidence. A confidence that comes from knowing who you are at the core and what your values are. This is the exact thing I do with my clients. I guide women to grow their self-love and acceptance and be confident in their unique self.
Instead of stressing about whether a guy finds you attractive or if you picked the right outfit, affirm to your own self that you are worthy and deserving of a great love, just as you are now.
I also love to have my clients create pre-date rituals so they can access this confidence at any point.
A good way to get you started is to first ask yourself these questions:
>> How would the most confident version of me show up?
>> What outfit would I feel most confident in?
>> How do I want to feel at the end of the date?
>> What are the best qualities of me that any date would love to get to know?
Start with these questions and embody this version of you on your next date. You will feel lighter, happier, centered, and present throughout the whole date. And you get to be that confident, amazing woman that you inherently are. It’s a win-win!
There you have it. The four best ways to make sure your next first date is the best one yet. Try these out before your next date and let me know how it goes in the comments below.
Is there anything you would add to the list?