Hey you, reading my articles and resonating with my words.
I know you are looking for love—or at least thinking about it. So, today it’s time to be honest with you. See, I have absolute full faith that you will find love at a time that’s right for you.
I have full faith that your person is out there, the one who matches your values and makes you happy. Even if you don’t believe it right now, I know for a fact that it’s out there for you. But it’s about time I get real with you. I see so many single people doing things that actually push them away from love.
And I don’t want you to be that person.
I want you to be confident in your decision that you want love. Honestly, that’s what we all want, isn’t it? If you’re serious about finding love, your actions must match. Because with the right thoughts and intentional action, you will no doubt be successful.
If you’re doing these seven things, you may find yourself in a dating pattern that you can’t seem to get out of. Maybe you find yourself dating the same type of person with just a different face. Or maybe you find yourself in a pattern of short-term flings that fizzle out within months. It’s not that you have bad luck or that you are destined for a life alone. But it does mean that it’s time to take your power back and take meaningful action.
So here are seven things to not do if you’re looking for love. I promise if you stop doing these things and put your actions toward finding love, your person will come along:
1. Fantasizing about your ex.
Most of us have an ex from the past who got away, the ex who ghosted you and disappeared. Or maybe you have the ex whom you ended things with. Whatever happened between you two, they are your ex for a reason, and they should be left in the past.
It’s all too easy to remember the good times when thinking about your ex. The good memories you shared or nice things they did for you. This especially comes up when you are feeling lonely and you’re thinking you’ll never meet anyone. But if you’re looking for love, you have to stop thinking about your ex. This is only holding you back in the present day, and you’re giving all your power to someone else. The only thinking you should be doing about your ex is remembering why you broke up and the valuable lessons you learned from them.
Focus your energy and attention on attracting a better match for the current you and your values.
2. Believing your thoughts.
Look, I know that the path to love isn’t always easy. It may even feel like there are more hard times than easy. But if you are serious about finding love, you have to stop believing your thoughts. You know, the ones that tell you you’ll be alone forever. Or the ones that tell you you’re not good enough to find love.
You are not your thoughts! These thoughts come from deeply held fears and beliefs you are holding on to. These thoughts are trying to keep you safe from any rejection or hurt. But would you rather put yourself out there and trust the process or stay single forever because of your fears?
The first thing I do with all my clients is reframing all those fears into positive and healthy thoughts. We blast through those limiting beliefs and instill thoughts of optimism that love will come along at the right time.
3. Acting like you don’t care.
If you want to meet the one and fall in love, stop acting like you don’t care! Unfortunately, I see way too many single people adopting this mindset that they don’t really care. They don’t care if someone ghosts them or stands them up. They don’t care if they are being treated badly by their partner. Most people will act like they don’t have feelings and shrug off things that hurt them.
Just like fear-based thoughts, this passive attitude is another defense mechanism. It’s trying to keep you safe from rejection, but all it’s doing is holding you back from forming a deep connection with someone else. By openly stating how you feel or having honest conversations, you are opening up your heart to love. This is the only way to find that soul mate love you are craving. Be confident in your feelings and emotions, and the right person will honor them without question.
4. Forgetting your values.
Okay, so how exactly do you start to be confident in your feelings? By staying true to your values! The values that you deeply desire in a romantic partner. And if the person you are dating doesn’t have them or disregards them, well, you know that they aren’t for you.
Unfortunately, I see too many single people forget all their values the minute someone attractive comes along. Or at the first sign of attention from a romantic interest, all values are out the window. All this does is lead to short-term flings because you can’t build a long-lasting relationship on looks alone. This is exactly why I start all my clients off with their top 10 desired values they are looking for. They are armed with these as they confidently go into the dating world while finding their match.
If you’re looking for love, decide on your values and hold them close until you find them.
5. Accepting bread crumbs.
I saw this term recently about a new dating trend called “bread-crumbing,” and I don’t want you to fall victim to it.
When someone is giving you bread crumbs, it essentially means that they are only giving you enough to keep you interested, but nothing else. Maybe it’s only sending a text once a week to make sure you don’t forget them. Or maybe it’s them declaring that they are busy for the next several weeks and they will see you some other time. Look, I get that things happen or people are actually busy, but if your entire relationship goes like this, it won’t last long. Bread crumbs also mean that your partner will put in extra effort only when they feel like you’re pulling away. If someone is doing this to you, run the other way! Because they only intend to keep you around until someone better shows up.
Stop accepting bread crumbs and only give your time to someone who makes you a priority.
6. Expecting perfection.
At the end of the day, no one is perfect. Yes, you can have your list of desired values (and definitely find someone who fits them), but you also have to accept that everyone is human. Meaning we all make mistakes and say things we don’t mean. Being human means that we all have feelings and you may hurt someone without knowing. No one is perfect, including yourself. So if you’re out in the dating world, expecting to find the perfect person you imagined, you will only be disappointed.
When you expect perfection, you are giving someone unrealistic standards. You aren’t leaving room for vulnerability and bad days that we all end up having. I like to think of it as finding the person who is perfect for you, not a perfect person. I guarantee that your person is out there; they may not have everything you thought you were looking for, but they will have everything you need.
7. Not putting yourself out there.
Here’s the honest truth: if you’re looking for love, you absolutely need to be putting yourself out there. It means going on dates and actually following through. It means telling your friends you are looking for love and want to be set up. It means opening the dating app and seeing who sparks your interest. It means following your passion and hobby and meeting new people. Although it would be amazing if our soul mate just knocked on the front door, that is not how it works in real life.
Too many times, I hear a single person declaring that they are looking for love but they aren’t actually doing anything about it. The term manifestation is trendy right now, and I 100 percent believe it, but I think it’s missing a big piece. Yes, you can attract your dream person starting with your thoughts, but you also have to pair it with action. You have to follow through on what you say you want. You have to risk rejection with the belief that your right person will come along.
It’s time to turn off Netflix, buy a new outfit, and put yourself in the dating scene.
Love is waiting for you!