We connected super hard, super fast.
By date four, I knew he was someone I wanted to spend my time with. It felt nice to finally meet someone whom I actually liked.
It wasn’t just the dates that I was smitten about. The weeks of communications throughout our time together were enchanting. The early morning hellos, the late-night goodnights, texting all day every day, the telephone calls just because I wanted to hear his voice, and the surprise coffee deliveries at the office were what I was beginning to become addicted to.
He made me feel as though I was the center of his world.
I liked getting to know this person. I liked who he was. And I liked the connection we were making.
Then, out of nowhere, everything started to change. The texts began to dwindle. The calls were few and far between. The surprise coffee deliveries stopped altogether.
I began to question everything. What did I do? Why was he pulling away?
The pull-away is a slow and torturous process.
When someone slowly pulls away, a number of things happen all at once.
Self-doubt kicks in like a wrecking ball. Everything I already didn’t like about myself begins to bubble in the front of my mind. I tear myself apart, blaming each and every flaw for contributing to this person pulling away.
My confidence plummets and diminishes. All those years I spent building my confidence have been torn down by just one person.
I overanalyse each and every moment I had with him to attempt to pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong.
My anxiety goes into overdrive. I become obsessed with worry and fear about what I’m supposed to do now. Do I pull away? Do I put in extra effort? Do I act like I don’t care? Do I act like I care? I become physically ill over it. I try to make sense of it all.
Why is he pulling away?
There are many reasons people start to pull away.
He might not have been interested. It didn’t matter how great things were going; something changed, and the interest was no longer there.
He might have had relationship issues or concerns. Maybe he just wasn’t ready for anything with anyone. He thought he was, but once he was in it, he realized he just wasn’t ready.
Maybe he had a temporary need for space. It might be a bit overwhelming to get back into the dating world.
He didn’t know what he wanted. Dating is scary as hell. So maybe he really wanted to find someone, but he felt confused about what he was actually looking for.
He could have met someone else. It’s a big world out there. Maybe he found a better match for himself.
But none of that really matters. It’s their problem, not mine. When someone starts to pull away, it’s a great time to check in with myself.
I don’t freak out. It’s going to be really hard not to pick up the phone and lose my sh*t. It only makes me look as crazy as I feel. I won’t give him the satisfaction of making me lose myself.
I remain calm.
I take a breath.
I’m going to be okay.
I take some time to reflect. I evaluate those insecurities that have surfaced. No one can make me feel any certain way. No one can take away pieces of me. I remember who I am. I remember all that I am. I am enough but for the right person.
I focus on connecting with myself. I get in touch with my feelings, thoughts, expectations, and beliefs. I check in with myself each morning. I pay attention to my feelings. I follow my energy. I dig deep inside myself. I believe in myself.
I believe in my reality. I take charge of my life. I have the power to create something beautiful in my life.
I give myself space. I take time to recharge and reset. I power down the phone and unplug the computer. I take a walk in nature. I sit by the ocean. I just be. I listen to the silence. This allows me to pay attention to my emotions. Space helps me see my needs and how I can take care of myself.
But whatever I do, I don’t change who I am to fit into their world.
I don’t give up things I want just to keep someone who is about to walk away.
I don’t beg or force someone to stay.
Why would we want someone who chooses not to stay with us? Why would we have to convince someone to choose us? Why would we have to force someone to stay?
The one who is worth it is the one who sees us for who we are and chooses to stay on their own. The one who is worth it is the one who stays no matter what. They are the ones who matter. They are the ones who count.
He is pulling away; what am I supposed to do?
Nothing at all, darling.
Let him f*cking go.
The one we are supposed to be with won’t pull away.
He will hold on for dear life.