July 12, 2022

Sex & Life are Not Separate: The Pleasure Practice we all Need.

pleasure practice

I was thinking about a Pleasure Practice.

I was thinking that we have all kinds of practices—health practices, spiritual practices, and so on.

But what about a Pleasure Practice, a Sexuality Practice, an Intimacy Practice, a Sexual Energy Practice, an Erotic Practice?

We often engage with this part of ourselves only during sex, with ourselves or with another.

We’re often only sexual beings when we’re having sex, when we’re in a relationship.

Instead of understanding that we’re sexual beings, sensual beings, pleasure beings, intimate beings, all of the time.

And like every other part of life, it’s important to nurture, to nourish, to explore, to develop our sexual selves, our erotic selves.

To engage with this energy consciously, regularly, and not only in a sexual context, a genital context.

Why is it important?

Because it’s one of the driving forces of life.

Because it’s linked to our vitality, our life-force, our juice, our creativity.

Because it’s connected to our health in so many ways.

Because it brings us into our body, into awareness, into presence.

Because it’s often the part of life, of ourselves, we judge the most and we long for the most.

Because when our bodies are filled with pleasure chemicals, so much happens to our health, to our stress.

The less stressed we are.

And on the face of it, that is quite simple. When we look deeper and see that stress causes more illnesses, more diseases than anything else, more than any other single factor, we see the importance of that.

Because it’s everywhere around us, in us.

Because there’s such freedom, in so many ways, in our sexuality.

Because it’s a path of self-knowledge.


A Pleasure Practice is an embodied practice.

It’s more about the energy, more about sensation, feeling, more about awareness than orgasm.

It’s often not about orgasm at all.

And the interesting thing, the wonderful thing, is that it actually makes sex—again with ourselves and another—and orgasm more fulfilling.

And that’s almost a by-product of an Erotic Practice.

So, what does a Sexual Energy Practice look like?

Like everything else we may do, there’s a commitment to it, a commitment to ourselves. There’s a commitment to our bodies, to our hearts. In the same way we commit to spiritual practice.

There’s regularity and understanding that that’s the key. Nothing happens without that.

Then there’s learning, thinking, exploring.

The ideas, the concepts, the principles.

What is sexual energy, what is sensuality, what is eroticism, what is intimacy.

What is that within ourselves, what is that with another.

How can that be experienced and expressed in different ways.

Then there are the practices—touch, breath, movement, sound.

So many ways to explore this world, maybe limitless.

And on this journey, we connect with ourselves in a very physical, sensual, direct way.

Let’s digress for a moment.

And talk about Sensuality because I’ve used the word a lot.

We tend to connect sensuality with sex and often think that it’s the foreplay. That’s what we do before we get to the sex.

Sensuality is how we experience life, the world, each other. Through, in, with our senses.

Sight, sound, touch, smell, taste.

Feeling, sensing, intuiting, awareness.

All expressions of Sensuality.

And the connection of these to a Pleasure Practice is this: we’re talking about the pleasure of life and we’re talking about sexual sensuality.

And in time, we’ll see that they’re not separate; our society has made it so.

There’s a secret here, a big secret some of us get.

Sex and life are not separate.

So, a Pleasure Practice becomes a life practice.

This is one of the things I love about the journeys I share with my clients, and something that comes up so often in retreats and workshops.

It’s all about sex, and it has nothing to do with sex.

Then there’s the Pleasure.

The Pleasure that leaves us glowing, tingling, vibrating, alive, awake, vibrant, connected, smiling, intimate, happy, excited, creative, peaceful, fulfilled…

To reach the higher states of pleasure, the deeper energy experiences, requires practice. To hold more energy, to be more present, to stay in the energy, to not get distracted, to drop deeper into the body, all these things require practice.

A Pleasure Practice is a life practice, a body practice, a heart practice.

A practice of possibility.

A practice of love.

What could you do, today, as a Pleasure Practice?

I’d like to share one of mine with you.

A simple and quick practice…of caressing your lips.

You can do this with your eyes open or closed.

Take a breath in, a slow, deep breath.

Breathe out.

Become aware of your lips.

And breathe in to your lips. Have the awareness, even in your imagination, that your breath is going in through your nose and flowing to your lips.

Feel how soft your lips become with your breath.

Feel how your lips relax with your breath.

Then, with one finger, the tip of your finger, slowly, gently, touch your lips, caress your lips.

All around your lips.

Feel the sensation.


For as long as you like, as long as you stay present.

Then sit for a few minutes, be aware of the feelings, the sensations, in your mouth, in your heart, in your body.


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