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I thought I was going to be one of the lucky ones who didn’t get it, but…I did.
I got COVID-19.
And I feel pretty terrible—not as bad as those who are hospitalized or have difficulties with breathing (my breathing is good), but I feel sick, like I have a bad flu, and I’ve been thinking about how if I feel this bad when I had two doses of the vaccine and my booster, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d not been vaccinated.
I’m grateful for the vaccine.
As I’ve been feeling sick, I’ve had this image come to me of all of my white blood cells, my beautiful white blood cells, doing their thing, fighting to protect me. I’ve pictured all of these beautiful white blood cells fighting to keep me safe.
I’ve pictured how they love me so much that they’ll all fight just for me, and I’ve felt so much love for myself—for the white blood cells, for my body, for me. (Sure, you could say they’re just doing their job, but I like the thought of them doing it out of love.)
It doesn’t matter what we say or think about our bodies or how we treat them, they are always there for us, always doing their best for us—always, in every moment, whether we think about it or not. And they do their jobs without asking for gratitude or appreciation or acknowledgment.
Our hearts beat.
Our lungs help us breathe.
Our livers and kidneys and digestive systems do their things.
Our feet and our hands and our eyes and our brains and our ears and all of the cells in our bodies do what they can for us.
It’s the most beautiful thing to reflect upon and makes me feel so much love.
I feel like if we all held this knowledge, this deep, profound sense of awareness at all times, no one would ever suffer from a lack of self-love or self-appreciation. How can we not love ourselves when we understand this?
We, just by existing, are miraculous.
I’m in a state right now where it feels like quite a few areas of my life are not really feeling the way I’d like or prefer—and while that could feel destabilizing, and while it’s not exactly comfortable, I also feel okay. I know that I have myself. I believe in myself. I know that things will work out. And I am here for me. (It also helps that I know some astrology and know that better times will come!)
It doesn’t matter if life doesn’t go the way we’d like—things are always going to happen that don’t feel good or that can throw us off. Some periods will be incredibly painful or filled with crazy amounts of change. But through all of it—we always have ourselves. And I think it’s so important that we remind ourselves of this and that we really hold and embrace and allow the depth of this awareness to flood through us.
At the end of the day, we have ourselves. Yes, we can have friends or romantic relationships or families, but most intimately, most acutely, and most “permanently,” we have ourselves.
It’s important that we show up for ourselves, take care of ourselves, learn to trust ourselves, and learn to believe in ourselves. It’s important that we connect to ourselves and our hearts and follow what feels right and true to us.
It’s important that we feel whatever we’re feeling, that we’re willing to feel into all of it, hold space for all of it.
Some parts of life hurt, some parts of life will hurt, but there are other beautiful parts that are happening in every moment, in every breath. Like my beautiful white blood cells that are fighting for me.
It’s a wonderful thing to feel.
If there’s one thing I wish everyone in the world had it would be utter self-love—that everyone in the world learned that the most important thing is self-love, that we love ourselves, tune into ourselves, listen to ourselves, take care of ourselves, that we learn to believe in ourselves and move with what feels right to us.
I feel a similar deep love and appreciation for myself when I look at photos of myself when I was a child—when I look into the face of that little girl. She’s so cute! And of course she deserves love and the most wonderful things! I am still that little girl; she’s still in me. I can feel her.
I may be older, but I still hold the essence of her within me; I hold her essence within me. We all do. We all still hold these childlike versions of ourselves within us.
I think it’s important that whatever happens in life, we always remember to show up for ourselves and tune into ourselves.
It’s important that we always remember (or remember to remind ourselves) that we always have ourselves.
And that as long as we have ourselves, we’ll be okay.
“I got my own back.” ~ Maya Angelou