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September 3, 2022

Creating Safe Space for your loved ones…

I was thinking about my Nan a lot this past week or so.  How she was the epitome of unconditional love and the Queen of creating safe space for her family.  How I was so lucky to have such a powerful woman in my life and, although I acknowledged how special she was to me, I did not realise just how powerful she was.  Until she had gone.
My Nan died in 2012 and she was the catalyst that sparked my journey to support amazing souls to live well and transition as they approach the end of their life. She had such a big impact and influence in my life – yet it was more in her silence than with her words.
My Nan’s energy was profound to me.  Whenever I was in her company I felt safe.  Without her ever having to say a word.  I felt her love just in her presence.  Her open heart and non-judgmental aura.  On reflection, I believe she was the first person to teach me the power of silence and energetics – something that I have brought into my work and embraced the magic of silence and energetics.  Especially at end of life.
We undervalue these things because most of us want to see ‘evidence’ or tangible outcomes.  And of course, we don’t like to sit still and be ‘present’ anymore. Unless you are prepared to move beyond intellect and into your feeling body, you will miss out on the power of the unseen.
As I shared a few weeks ago, I am in the middle of a storm in my personal life.  I don’t normally share when I’m in a storm as I transcend in private and then share learnings if appropriate or I feel called to.  It’s the first time I have shared a storm whilst I am in it.  And I share it now because I walk my talk and it felt right to do so.  I acknowledge the storm & the challenges whilst demonstrating how you can hold duality (sadness AND joy) and come back to trust & inner peace as you move through the stormy weather.  Right now, I am craving a safe space like my Nan used to create.  A space I created in my own home for myself and anyone who comes here.  A space my husband used to hold for me with his profound and silent presence too.  Yet right now, due to our own challenges, it is understandable that my hubby cannot create that safe space.  As he is hurting too and we feel it.  That’s why it got me thinking of my Nan.
Grief never goes.  It sometimes comes back into your life to remind you of the love you once felt.  And recently, as I have been missing a safe silent space like my Nan used to hold, I also remembered how I missed her and how I really need her on my current journey. And of course it brought up some grief.
So what does this safe space I am talking about look like?
  • Comfy cosy room with soft lighting and soft textures
  • Privacy
  • No questioning about details to fix the problem, judge or to gossip about
  • No feelings of anger, rage or frustration (even energetically!)
  • Lots of hugs if appropriate
  • Sitting in silence – maybe even holding hands
  • A space to lie down
  • To cry with the offer of a hug and no feelings of discomfort or stopping the tears
  • Not trying to fix or ‘coach’ through the feelings – just allowing and holding
  • No over-panicking because someone you love is crying.  Crying is allowed.  It is important to hold space for someone to cry in when they are heartbroken (if it’s a long term daily thing than of course, be vigilant and then decide if they need support outside of your space space)
  • nourishing food and drink (not alcohol) available. Even if you don’t feel like eating it
  • BEING  a loving presence.  Letting go of your day and your thoughts.
I am sure there is even more to share about creating a safe space but right now, they feel the most important to share.
If you know someone going through a big life changing challenge right now and would love to offer support, I hope the above tips shed some insight to help you create a space for them.  It goes without saying that these suggestions will not work for everyone.  I am sharing my own learnings about safe spaces I have experienced AND created for others. Please remember that one size does not fit all.  And your ‘size’ doesn’t fit everyone.
These learnings are really important for me when I am working with beautiful souls at end of life – because they can go through stages of being frightened.  And it’s in the silence and energetics that can really bring them back to centre and a knowing that all will be well.
We go much deeper into this topic in my Soul Doula training programme as we dive into creating safe and sacred space for our dying ‘friends’ and their loved ones. You’d be surprised just how few people know and understand the power in creating spaces like this and the power of silence.
What makes a safe space for you?
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