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September 24, 2022

The Pleasure Continuum

Photo by Pok Rie on Pexels.

A few days ago my lover asked me a beautiful question, Do you want to continue making love?

Our lovemaking had started hours ago, there were orgasms, and in between we’d been out, we’d done some shopping, we’d done some work.

And here was this delicious question.

To continue.

For so many of us sex follows the pattern of an experience with a beginning, a middle and an end.

There’s a trigger, not all triggers are negative, an arousal, something sparks our desire, our interest.

Sometimes it’s a need, sometimes we’re looking for something, conscious or not.

We do something to let our partner know, it might be words, it might be a touch, it might be a kiss. The clearer our signal is  the easier it is, and for many of us a clear expression of desire is not always easy.

Our partner responds in some way, maybe it’s a yes, maybe it’s a no. Sometimes it’s not clear either.

This is the beginning.

Then stuff happens, maybe a lot, maybe a little, maybe it’s quick, maybe it’s a long story with  lots of chapters, adventures, whatever it is.

And it ends.

Sometimes it’s a happy ending, for everyone, which has become a bit of a euphemism for orgasm.

It ends.

And that’s the point.

We put it away.

The fire goes out.

Until something lights it again.

And a digression here for a moment, most of us have sex for the end of sex, for the orgasm. For the few brief seconds of release, of letting go, of losing ourselves.

My lover’s question, would you like to continue, gives us a different perspective.

It’s about a lovemaking that actually never ends, a fire that never goes out.

It might be low, and a breath on the coals, sometimes just a gentle blow, brings the flames up, brings the heat.

It’s about the way we see our sex, as an act, which has an end, there’s a goal to reach.

Or it’s an experience of an energy that always there.

Our sexuality is expressed in so many ways, and when it’s a part of life everyday, when we see how the energy of sexuality is the energy of vitality, of creativity.

It’s the life-force that’s all around us.

Everything is being penetrated, everything is opening, receiving, welcoming.

Everything is expressing this energy.

It’s life.

And life doesn’t switch itself on or off.

It doesn’t wait to be aroused.

It’s there all the time.

For many of us our sexuality is in a little box.

We take it out, in very specific, sometimes very narrow, contexts and circumstances. We use it, it ends.

We put it away again.

Nice and neat.

When our lovemaking is all the time, it doesn’t mean that we’re thinking about sex all the time.

It doesn’t mean we’re wanting sex all the time.

It’s an awareness of life, of love, of passion, of desire.

It expresses itself in so many ways.

Sometimes the soft, the slow, the gentle, the quiet.

Sometimes the fire, the thunder, the passion.

It also brings a different quality to our relationships, however they happen.

It allows for a flow between us that’s easy, that’s natural. That expresses itself in many ways.

There’s a freedom.

There are possibilities.

Limitless possibilities.

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